Adventures in letting go | Bess Ann's Story

Bess Ann and her husband Kerry sold their 2200 sf dream home and 90% of their possessions to reform their lives as modern-day nomads. Bess Ann talks about the process of change...

“At first it was just a conversation about wanting to see the country when we retired. I wasn’t a camper and had never stayed in an RV, but Kerry and I found ourselves talking often about ‘someday.’ As we went to RV shows and met snowbirds, we found that many of them were limited by health issues and money. We wondered what it might look like to purchase an RV in the ‘now.’

With changes in the economy we knew my husband might get caught in a layoff, so we put money back. By the time the layoff actually happened, we had found an incredible deal on an RV and made the purchase. We thought we would make some short trips while Kerry looked for another job. [Note that Bess Ann offices from home.]

Later that summer we went to Park City Utah and Yellowstone for six weeks--which was beautiful. We came home to Texas where it was 115 degrees. The house had been shut up and it was miserable. We wondered if we really needed this much house. The market was bad so we started with a “let’s just see.” Within a week we had an offer at the asking price. We looked at each other and said, ‘we’re doing this.” Then I immediately thought, but wait, we aren’t ready.

We realized that if we sold the house and traveled full-time Kerry would officially be retired. Storage for our belongings seemed an albatross, so we put 90% of it in a garage sale keeping only some original artwork and memory items. It was really hard to start selling things, but there was a point where I realized...”this is just stuff.” Once I came to terms with it, it was very freeing. I realized how many things thought I needed that actually got very little use.

I didn’t expect the struggle of leaving what we knew. We both grew up in families that stayed together and lived in the same geographic area. What we had seen modeled was what most of us grow up to expect. You get a house, a car, a truck, a few vacations and you work until you are 60. Selling it all and moving into 350 square feet...all mobile...was a huge departure from what we’d always been told was normal. We decided ‘normal’ is overrated.

The biggest thing I’ve learned in the process is where my values are and what I’m trusting in. I’ve learned that the world won’t fall apart if I let go. I’m a planner, and it has been difficult to allow the plans to go. But the reality is that we are in a self-contained motor home. If we are two hours late or two days late...it doesn’t matter. We create structure where it is important...getting up at the same time, sharing meals together...

Being this mobile let’s you know who you are. That things can change around you, but not change you--the you that exists when you peel away all the layers of the onion. I’ve also learned that change may be hard or different, but that doesn’t make it bad.

Another neat thing I’ve learned in meeting people across the country is how different we are, and yet still alike. That’s a little flower that keeps opening up for me."

© Cathy Hutchison 2012

Reporting on Change

In my professional life, I work as a writer.  With posts on everything from SEO strategy for beginners to developing leadership skills for an emerging culture, my focus is usually on a world world in transition.

And yet, there are parts of the world that aren’t transitioning.  In fact, most professionals I encounter feel stuck between the innovation in their hearts and the immovable status quo. So what do you do, when you see the possibilities of a world in change, but feel powerless to change in your current context?

One of the challenges of being caught between worlds is that we are actually part of the problem.  We have old ways of seeing that we haven’t yet been able to overcome. These ‘blind spots’ can hold us back and keep us from visualizing the path forward in the places we work, organizations we are part of and the families we live in.

And as much as I’d like to serve as a Sherpa to lead through these blind spots, the reality is that I have them too.  We are all “building the bridge as we walk on it.”  One thing I am certain of—however—is that becoming aware of where change is possible is a great first step; and simplicity, creativity, compassion,  technology and an openness to  change in ourselves are powerful tools to bring about change in our current context.

I spent a year in my professional world asking people to tell me their stories of navigating change. The criteria was that I wanted to catch people before they were resolved. I wanted to talk to people within three years of the change. The stories were moving and engaging. So for the next several weeks, I plan to share some of them here. Stay tuned each Friday for "Adventures in Change." 

And I don't even think it is crazy...

I've realized lately I've become a stereotype of sorts. I love yoga. I live on plant-based foods. I adore my Smart car, minimalists, and almost anything that is eco-friendly.

A few weeks ago, I hung out with a superfoods-enthusiast/coach who taught me how to use my dehydrator to make raw breads. I told her how much I'm enjoying meeting people with similar interests. She told me it was because yoga had raised my vibrations and I was drawn to people with high vibration levels.

Six years ago, I would have lifted an eyebrow at that—well, if I could actually lift one eyebrow. But now, the idea of energy or vibration levels no longer seems crazy. It makes sense to me.

You don't have to be a yogi, raw foodist or "eco chic" to experience high vibrations. We've seen it in people who live close to nature. Artists with passion. People with deep devotion and faith. I just never had vocabulary for it.

Science tells us that matter is mostly empty space—vibrating energy. Scriptures tell us of a world spoken into being. (Sound is vibration). Yoga speaks of prana.  Martial arts of chi.

Many of the natural foodists focus on the vibratory pulse that not only affects our being, but the energy of those around us.  Living things have a lot of vibration, but dead things do not (apple vs. a table). They focus on eating raw foods—which have a high vibration level.  However, food isn't the only thing that affects our energy level.  Prayer and meditation also change the frequency at which you vibrate. Exercise can change your vibration. Spending time in nature...

I love it that we don't have to stay in the same place.  That we can do positive things to actually can raise our vibration levels. We aren't stuck.

And even if "vibration levels" sounds crazy to you, you probably do believe in a capacity for growth.  In which case means we aren't stuck either.

Realizing stuff about yourself...

Yoga is often referenced as a path to self-realization.  And while that sounds lofty, it is actually pretty simple. When you are quiet enough, you notice things about yourself that you may not have noticed before.  I've been having this experience more and more lately.

Many of the practices in yoga focus on building agni.

Agni means fire.  And while it is responsible for drive, willpower, etc, it is also about digestion.  The thing is that yoga doesn't differentiate what you digest.  Agni is as responsible for the digestion of emotions, learning and thoughts as it is for food.

My personal practice at the moment centers on building agni, and on the mat the other day I had a huge realization about myself.  I rarely take time to savor.

Not food. Not ideas. Not emotions.

I've always had this sense that time is short, so I move at a rapid pace to be able learn, experience and get as many things done as I possibly can. The downside is that it takes time to digest the things we take in.

Digestion needs to be slow. You have to give it time.

I'm realizing it is important for me to slow the pace to savor more.  To pause long enough to fully digest information, experience, and well...food.  It is something that must become part of my practice.

An observation...

Of love and isolation

"Oh it's so typical, love leads to isolation. So you build that wall..." - Phil Collins
 
Ever been to a family gathering that was awkward? I've had the odd experience this week of both being part of these exchanges in my own family and of hearing others share their stories. (Mother's Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas all seem to be petri dishes for this phenomena.)

As the stories have swirled around in my head, I can't help but look for the commonalities, and this is what I've discovered.

Each person has an idea in their head of right and wrong.  To be sure, there are some things we all agree on—like maybe the 10 Commandments—but in areas of how people live day-to-day life, there is a great deal of variety in terms of what people think is rude, what is appropriate, how business should be done, lifestyle choices, politics, yada, yada.  We are infinite in variety and life experiences, so it makes sense that we would vary in this, yet because we have a singular point of view, each person operates as if their standard of "right/wrong" is THE standard.

Kathryn Schulz, author of "Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error," has a brilliant illustration in her Ted Talk. She asks the audience how it feels to be wrong.  They shout out a few answers: embarrassed, failure, just feels bad, etc.  She pauses and says, "No. That's how it feels to find out you are wrong.   Being wrong feels exactly like being right."

Most of us are wrong about a great many things. But to us—unless it is staring us in the face—most of us walk around feeling like we are right. The problem occurs when we engage the people in our lives by making sure that they are right too.

Something profound happens when we let this go. When we begin to engage people from a place of acceptance rather than a place of correction. Love occurs.

And this is the thing. Love is what all of us are looking for. In that deep part of us. From our hearts. In fact, we are absolutely starving for it.

When someone offers us correction instead of acceptance, we build walls. Our hearts can't handle "I can only love you if you are this." 

There are many places in our lives where this is simply the way things are. At work, in school, even socially...our very being is judged and either accepted or rejected on a daily basis.  Most of us get up each day, don our emotional bullet-proof vests and operate at a fairly high level in this place.  But in our marriages, with our parents, and even with our closest friends, we have to be able to take those off.

This judgment challenge is even worse in our churches where people say, "The Bible is the standard" so that they create rules which are defended at the expense of love. Most don't realize that what really occurs is that their interpretation of the Bible becomes the defended standard—as evidenced by the infinite variety of denominations and interpretations in the Christian church alone.

It takes a great deal of humility to remove oneself as the standard of right/wrong and to offer ourselves as a gift of love to those around us. Thing is we have to do this openly and with a whole heart, because if we do it from a place of pride it becomes this sort of sick martyrdom that will mitigate the joy that is an essential characteristic of freely flowing love. (Not only that, but people can detect the lack of authenticity in a heartbeat.)

While most of us can identify the way others have forced us to create walls, we miss that to unlock it, we have to be willing to lay aside our own judgments of others and offer acceptance. This doesn't mean that any behavior is "okay." We still remain the arbitrators of how we allow other people to treat us. However, if we are honest, most often we don't limit our judgments to our own personhood and interactions. Instead we feel qualified to judge everything from a person's clothes to what they eat to their interactions with others. And even if we don't comment, just simply holding those views speaks volumes.

To be fair, some people will never be "safe" people to be around, and families are steeped in such patterns of behavior that it is often difficult to pave new roads. However, if we embrace love and acceptance as the power over "being right" it changes the game. And the Spirit of Love is there to offer help for the asking.

©Cathy Hutchison

You have magical powers

When I was a little girl, I wanted magical powers.

So. Bad.

You see, I was certain they were real.  After all, I had been told the fairy stories and had seen the Disney movies. 

I've learned as an adult that we all have magical powers.  That at any given moment we can make something special and unexpected happen. It only requires cultivating the creativity to see a moment, and the courage to take the risk and act.

The magic is small, but powerful. There is one defining rule however.  The magic always has to be used for someone other than yourself.  You might...

• Purchase a latte for the store clerk who woke up too late to get coffee.
• Randomly tell someone in your life they are beautiful.
• Leave a piece of real jewelry that no longer has meaning for you in a park with a note to the person who finds it. 
• Smile.
• Pay for the order in a drive through for the person behind you.
• Take someone else's cart back to the grocery store for them.

With every magical act, you change the world we live in. The power is yours.