More thoughts on love...

The Dirt Poor Robins CD has been in my car this week. (If you don't already own it, invest...It is now on sale for $5 at Astonish.)

Have you ever owned a CD for awhile then one day a track that wasn't your favorite suddenly resonates with you as if you'd never heard it before?

As I've thought this week about love, sacrifice, heroes and villains, Track 13 has been playing in my head when I haven't been in my car.

Stanzas of it actually...

"Love's not unconditional unless conditions call upon it. It's not emotional to say you can't go on without it."

"It's the only gift, that could ever cost so much and still be free."

"When all is said and done, only love is on the page, when your days are over, when you're six feet under, when you close the cover, only love is."

It occurs to me that it is significant that when asked the greatest commandment, Jesus' response was about love. I mean, if you think about it, God could have ordered whatever He wanted. The whole job description of a god is that you rule stuff.

So why? Why love? Why is that the most important thing we are asked to do? Not truth. Not faith. Not going to church every Friday/Saturday/Sunday. Just love.

What if it really is the most important thing?

The only thing that truly counts.

Hmm...more things to think about.

The ATC Swap | August

In a bit of "digital world coolness" after blogging about creating Artist Trading Cards during my Week as an Artist , the Hon. Mrs. Cobbey invited me to be part of an ATC Swap. The premise is this. Six artists sign up for six months to create six cards a month. Each artist picks the theme for the month and cards are based on the interpretation of the theme.

This month was the Hon. Mrs. Cobbey's month to choose and the theme was Reminisce. Her card was of a photo of her Grandmother when she was young. The gold thread unties to reveal that information concealed inside the card. The detail is lovely. The hand stamping in variegated hues beautiful.

Debby's card was about capturing imagination. Her handwritten note on the back tell about the muse token and key.

I loved her phrase "remembering your past to make your future wonderful." I'm still not sure how she sealed them in the card.

(Debby also included her card from the last month which I thought was really cool.)

Julie's card was subtly dimensional. The inks are embossed and though you can't tell on the photo, the border is this incredibly lovely thread. The notches that hold it in place add to an "import" vibe.

I loved the "World Market" feel to the card.

Penny's card--is of her grandmother's recipe for pound cake with a photo of her grandmother actually making it. Not only was it beautiful, but it also evoked emotion when I saw it. What a lovely connection old handwritten recipes have with family and getting together.

It was so cool to find the hand-addressed envelopes tucked in among the bills. More amazing was the variety of interpretation and the beauty that was created simply from the suggestion of a single word.

As for me, I played with the themes of memories in old photographs and elements of time in an accordion folded card. The hand stamping is of clock elements, and the photos are ones that I took for a series at Crosspointe. The intent was abstract. Implying time, romance and memories. I truly enjoyed working with the inks and photos.

September's theme is "Retro Road Trip" and ideas are already starting to form in my head. I can't wait.

The Room Swap

Two weeks ago, when we took Chase to College Station, what I didn't mention is that when we walked back in the door, Bethany had already moved into Chase's room. We'd given her the option of changing if she wanted to. Countless trips to Goodwill later, Bethany had downsized her possessions into a much more manageable closet-size which left the front room open to be a guest room.

John and I painted it the next Sunday and learned something very important. It is dangerously easy to paint an empty room. It took us only a little over an hour.

The next step was to find a full size bed since Bethany took Chase's. We found that Big Lots had the brand we wanted. As we laid on them all comparing options and prices the manager came by and tipped us off that if we waited two weeks, they would go on sale.

John stopped by on his way from a client meeting this week and found the sale on early. He had it delivered and the bed was set up when I got home. We hung the metal work I purchased at Hobby Lobby. Washed sheets and unpacked the bedding I purchased on Overstock.com and voila! An instant guest room!

Art from Sunny

Carl & Sunny spent the night in our new guest room this week. (They had to bring their own bed and forgot the pump, but that is another story.)

Several weeks ago we saw Sunny at ArtLoveMagic's "The Girl Show." It was so cool to see her work showcased in the gallery with her painting live in her smock with all of her art tools.

While there I registered in the silent auction and won a painting....only Sunny knew the piece up for auction wasn't my favorite. You see, it was one she designed for a competition and not one she painted out of her heart...and there is a difference.

So she asked me which one was my favorite. ('All of them' was my initial mental response, but of course I didn't say that to Sunny.) This week when they came, Sunny brought "Passion"...which moved me to tears when I first found out about it.

The energy and beauty of it make me smile every time I pass it. Not only is it very "Sunny" but it is also very me. And of all the themes she's painted on, this one completely captured me. The painting started from the phrase "open the eyes of my heart."

Thank you, Sunny. You know how much I love this.

Thoughts on Love

Lately I've been thinking a lot about love.

The thread started with something Don Miller said about stories where the hero sacrifices being those that are the most satisfying. That paired with the verse, "No greater love has a man than he lay down his life for his friends" has caused me to log a lot of brain time lately on the correlation between love and sacrifice.

In stark contrast to that is Hollywood's version. I read something by Tori Spelling this week that said she spent way too much money on a wedding to the wrong guy.

Is that really how love works? You think you are marrying the "right" person, then when the real "right one" comes along realize you made a mistake?

I have to confess this is confusing to me. A lot of stories in Hollywood follow that plot. King Arthur, Guinevere and Lancelot. Cleopatra, Caesar, Anthony. Heck, even the Justice League with Green Lantern and Hawkgirl. And each time, I oddly find myself routing for the new guy.

This story has played out among my friends married in the 15+ year range. Is the new guy really the "true love" or just someone who came along to help fight deep insecurities? To meet the need for validation?

Somehow that version of "true love" looks nothing like sacrifice, yet I find myself believing in it in the movies.

Donald Miller said there is a fine line between heroes and villains. Both have things they want. Both have flaws. Miller said the difference always comes down to the point of choosing. The villain will always choose for himself and the hero will always choose for others.

Sorry Hawkgirl. No matter how well written the episode, you blew it with the Green Lantern thing.

School starts

Bethany started school this year equipped with a new wardrobe purchased through three straight days at the mall and financed by her new job at the smoothie bar (and a parental supplement).

She's a junior this year and though the first day of school was spent chasing schedule changes, the second day was pretty normal.

Of course, John and I couldn't resist singing to her and Elisa in the car..."It's the most wonderful tiiiiiime of the year..." The view in the rearview mirror was what you might have expected.

Smile.

Random Advice that Actually Worked...

1) Drinking pickle juice cures hiccups.

2) You can create a kids mural in a rental space by cutting out preprinted characters from fabric, dipping them in liquid starch and placing on the wall. (It takes several hours to dry and red ink may transfer.) The characters come down on moveout just by rewetting them.

3) Washing your yoga mat alone in the washer with a little bit of detergent brings back the "sticky mat stickiness."

4) Baking soda makes a great substitute for scouring powders, toothpaste, exfoliators, detergent and shampoo.

5) Bach's Rescue Remedy is a great instant stress reliever. I use it to manage migraines and when I fly. (The original kind. The drops.) Another friend that puts drops in her dog's waterbowl when it storms swears by it.

Sick Day

Ugh...I woke up in the middle of the night sick, then spent the rest of the day in bed.

Now I'm in that in-between zone where you don't feel like doing anything yet there is nothing worth watching on TV.

Not even cool design shows on HGTV.

Or a Psych rerun.

So I'm blogging.

But even this is lame because I don't have enough interesting thoughts going through my head to report on. Pretty much just....aaaack.

Sigh.

Of talkative ghosts...

As I sat in Donald Miller's session at the Echo conference this week, I felt like every word was for me.

He started by telling us about his "ghost" who sits in his living room smoking cigarettes, watching TV and eating Doritos. Don's ghost tells him his ideas are stupid. That what he does is pointless. That life is futile.

It seems I have a "ghost" too. Only my ghost is different to Don's ghost. My ghost is critical of how I look, keeps a detailed checklist of my personal failures, and points out all of the ways I am "less than."

I've been wrestling with her a lot lately.

The thing is I was actually pretty successful in silencing her for a long time. I treated everything she said as lies. As it turns out, lies are pretty easy to fight so, about a year ago she changed her strategy and started talking truth. Well, mostly truth, but truth in the most negative possible way. Edited truth that only keeps track of the bad stuff and leaves out every bit of the good.

I hate the ghost.

It occurs to me that most of the Dale Carnegies, Tony Robbins and Oprah Winfreys of the world work to teach you how to silence the ghost. In some ways the church does too. In fact, I think somewhere in the back of my mind I thought that if I could just find the right combination of steps or memorize the right verse of scripture, that she would shut up. But you know what happens? She actually uses that stuff against me. Tells me how poorly I do at following the "5 steps to whatever."

In his talk, Don said that we've been taught in the church that we have a "God shaped hole" inside of us that we need Jesus to come fill and that once He does we feel complete. (I've heard this in church too.) Then Don said something unexpected. He pointed out that that philosophy is a marketing statement and not a theological one.

What happens when you don't feel complete? When the ghost is right? Is the "product" bad? Did it fail? Did you fail because you didn't use it right? Did you just not have "enough faith?"

When I was younger--and maybe even now--a lot of the "positioning statement" for Jesus was that He would come in and fix your life. The thing is that doesn't happen. Life doesn't become a song. It remains very, very human. With all of the sorrow and rage and brokenness that entails.

When did we trade all of the things that Jesus said about the "kingdom of heaven" for a cheaper product? When did we decide to go for the $19.95 fix?

Bringing heaven to earth isn't fast. Jesus describes it as yeast working its way through dough as it is kneaded or a mustard seed growing into a large tree. (Though I have to confess I don't understand why God didn't just zap it like in a Disney movie.)

Somewhere along the line, we made Christianity about us. About fixing the individual. What if that isn't the point? What if it is about the redemption of the world and we just get to be little parts of the story? Little places where the yeast gets moved through the dough or where a leaf appears on the branch? What if the real kingdom of heaven is in the hundreds of moments we have every day to choose love, joy, peace, patience, kindness...all of those things that run counter-cultural to the world around us.

What if the real way of silencing the ghost isn't in fixing all of the things on her list, but in pouring energy into living my part of the story?

Cool phrase for the night...

I'm at the Echo Conference this week at Watermark Church in Dallas. This afternoon it was really fun getting to connect with some of our clients and meeting new people who are in town for the conference. (Clark from Windsor Crossing helped me troubleshoot my computer settings when I messed them up in search of a video of one of their services.)

Mark Batterson spoke tonight and said something that has hung with me... "It is easy to learn the how and forget the why."

Something to meditate on tonight.

Chase Moves to College Station

Yesterday, we loaded up a truck with all of Chase's worldly posessions and drove down to College Station.

After weeks of multiple options on the table for where to spend his future...Denton, Seattle, or CS, a job offer from his current company, AT&T, came through. The thing is, it came through fast. He starts work today--and flies to training in Oklahoma City on Thursday--which gave him just about a week to find a place, pack, wrap up all of his business here and get going!

The place he found is great. It is close to everything. Even to two of his best friends, Eric and Mark. The logistics worked out so that we moved most of his stuff into Eric & Mark's garage and he will officially move into his new place on Saturday--via Eric's pickup--after he gets back from training.

Our friends, Dale & Shelly, loaned us their truck--which had a hitch for the rental trailer. This worked great because it rained almost the whole day. The added bonus was that all of us got to sit in the cab and talk rather than Chase riding his motorcycle for the three hour drive. It was great having that window of time just to be with our son.

After unloading everything, we grabbed a quick bite to eat at Chipotle and got to see the main areas of town. Like all college towns there is a fun energy to College Station--especially the second week in August. (We weren't the only trailer there.) My neice, Bryn moves down there on Saturday--so Chase will actually have family closeby. She is going to be a chemical engineering student at A&M. Chase will finish up his core classes at Blynn, then officially be an Aggie in an upcoming semester.

Of course, I got misty when it was finally time to say goodbye. He's grown up into such a cool young man. As John and I talked about it on the way back, it wasn't about being sad...(because we are very excited for him)...it was more about the moment being big. About everything changing.

You know that saying "they grow up so fast?" I'm not sure that is true exactly. It is more that the moments you notice how much they've grown up catch you by surprise. As if time moves forward in an odd series of leaps and jerks rather than a smooth story unfolding.

Watching Chase stand there in front of his very first place of his own was definitely one of those moments. I am very, very proud of him.

The Soul Care Epiphany...Part 3

My last big learning from Mindy Caliguire of Soulcare was about resources.

She said, "You would never write a $10,000 check from an account with $100 in it. Yet, we regularly write emotional and time checks we don't have the resources to cover."

That's a difficult one.

Though I am very good at saying "no" when I know I'm emotionally overdrawn, I'm not always aware I'm running low until I hit a wall.

Somehow thinking of it as a bank account, reminds me to check the balance every once in awhile.

Thanks, Mindy.

The Beauty of Facebook

I logged onto Facebook earlier this week and found a friend request from one of Bethany's childhood friends.

Tori--who happens to belong to Shannon of the Six--had posted this photo of Chase and Bethany in one of her albums.

Awww.... what a cool nostalgic moment brought to me courtesy of the digital world we live in.

The Soul Care Epiphany....Part 2

Mindy of Soulcare talked about her journey beginning by tackling a closet at the top of the stairs. She detailed it's contents. An unfinished crossstitch. A basket of baby clothes that needed ironing. (At this point her children were in school.) Boxes of photos to be scrapbooked.

As I listened to her list the contents it was pretty easy to see that each thing was representative of things an amazing wife and mom "should" do.

Then once again, Mindy made a statement that was profound. This time quoting someone else though I lost the reference... "Clutter is a symptom of fear. Fear of being able to meet the needs of the future or fear of dealing with regrets of the past."

Whoa.

Again. Clutter is a symptom of fear. Fear of being able to meet the needs of the future or fear of dealing with regrets of the past.

My closet has different stuff in it. (Not the physical one. The mental one.) Goals I haven't achieved. Times when I let things go to be "nice" that I was really angry about. Times I let myself be bullied. Things I feel I should be good at that I'm not. Forgetting to buy teacher gifts. Childhood occasions I didn't take pictures of. (Didn't realize until this moment that is why I am so obsessed now.)

The list is actually much longer than that and most of it has specific instances attached to it that still make me cringe.

Apparently, I have some closet cleaning to do too.

On Purpose...

I just read words by Leanne Ely--The Dinner Diva--that made me laugh out loud.

"God has a plan, a purpose, and a reason for you to be here on this planet , and it isn't so you can fit into smaller jeans."

Bento Lunches!!!

I'm not sure how I came to find the blog, Lunch in a Box, but I've really enjoyed it. Biggie introduced me to the art of Bento.

From Wikipedia: Bentō is a single-portion takeout or home-packed meal common in Japanese cuisine...Although bento are easily available in many places throughout Japan, including convenience stores, bento shops, train stations, and department stores, it is still common for Japanese homemakers to spend considerable time and energy producing an appealing boxed lunch.

I've always stuggled with packing my lunch. For one thing, most of the traditional American brown bag lunches are not vegan. The packed lunches I grew up with were usually the same...Sandwich + Chips + Cookie. That doesn't leave a lot of inspiration.

After reading Biggie's blog, I purchased some bento supplies. John and I spent a Saturday on the "Bento Mission." We found a good selection of supplies at Minoya--which is also where I purchased my sushi mat--and picked up a vaccuum pack lunch pail (pictured above) at the May Hua Supermarket at Coit and Park (across from the Stamp Asylum--a very cool art store). I found the Laptop Lunchbox (pictured at the top) by Obentec online via Amazon.

The best part is that it has been really fun. I've also learned how much I enjoy the different colors and textures, and it has been a great way to repurpose leftovers.

Anyway, Biggie covers it way better than I ever could here. Check out what she makes for her preschooler, Bug on the Lunch in a Box blog.

Possible Solution for Exhaustion

I've been really tired lately. Unnaturally tired. Like back in the days when I had anemia tired.

Last night, I read in a magazine where one girl found that her fatigue problem was due to 100+ degree heat lowering her electrolytes.

Given that we've had 100+ temps for too many days in a row to count, I think it is a good possibility.

Gatorade replenishes electrolytes...as does Pedialyte. However, Gatorade has food dyes and Pedialyte...well, it just tastes awful. I have a product in my pantry called 40,000 Volts which you can mix with natural juice.

The girl in the magazine used EmergenC (which I also have on hand), broccoli and bananas (which I bought last night with the magazine).

I hope this is the answer. I am way tired of being tired.