Stumbling on Answers

For reference, you might need to check out a previous post...

My dad is in the hospital, and I couldn't wait to go to Sahaja Meditation tonight. John and I rode our bikes. By the end of the meditation I felt completely different. Calmer. Lighter. But still there was tension in my heart. It is a difficult thing to watch your parents age. To hear your dad talk about things he sees in the after-effects of anesthetic that aren't really there.

One of the women worked on me--this time using a mantra. And I felt better. My heart was clear. So, I asked about the mantra. And learned it is the name of a goddess in the Hindu pantheon.

And again, I don't understand.

All I know is that I can't.

I can deeply appreciate that there is truth in what they are doing. The teaching on the subtle system works. (At least it works on me.) And while I could probably go along enjoying all of the wonderful people...(The people at the meditation center are truly beautiful in their souls.) I am an all or nothing sort of girl.

So, for me tonight, I had to make a decision. I don't get to go back to Sahaja. I can meditate and feel the power of the Holy Spirit flowing through me, but I can't invoke the names of other gods. Nothing in me will allow it.

Not because of conditioning, but because of a deep belief in my soul that there is only One.

The One I've served since I was a little girl.

And again, I'm not sure I completely understand any of this. I just know I have to make a choice.

I wonder if David-the-Artist-Pastor would consider a contemplative prayer center? Because meditating as a group is as powerful as sitting in Nancy's living room with guitars singing worship. Maybe even more so because you don't have to be on key.
© Random Cathy
Maira Gall