Classical music

For a girl who has lived her life to a soundtrack of pop punk music, I've been completely taken aback by my newfound love of classical music. It started with meditation. In Sahaja Yoga they use music (either classical Indian or classical European) to improve focus by creating good vibrations. Until that, I'm not sure I ever thought about how physical music is. (Though when I go to hear a band I always find myself moving to the "sweet spot"...the place on the floor where the music moves evenly through your body. That is, if there isn't a mosh pit in the way.)

Not only is music physical, but it also speaks to our emotions. Often providing catharsis beyond that of a therapist. And, it can alter mood. If I feel bummed, I can plug in my "energy" playlist and be completely changed in about 15 minutes. Then there is the effect music has on our memory--recalling time and place unexpectedly more fully than a photo can.

So, if music has all of this power, what about the classics? Is there something really powerful about the music that people have enjoyed for hundreds of years?

I ran across this video on Ron Martoia's velocityvortx blog. It played into this odd new love of mine. The video is 18 minutes long. Don't start it unless you can see it through. Is worth your time. Even if you are a "punk rock prom queen."



Now, if we could get the announcers on WRR to sound like Benjamin Zander, the classical world might begin new life in other iPods alongside Evanescence and Relient K.

The Sucky World of Conjunction Mode

Okay all you children of the 80's....complete this song: Conjunction Junction what's your function....hooking up _______________. Most children who grew up in the US from 1973 to 1986 saw School House Rock on ABC's Saturday morning cartoons and can complete the words to that song along with "5, 10, 15, 20...", "Lolly, lolly, lolly get your adverbs here" and "I'm just a bill, yes I'm only a bill and I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill."

Conjunction Junction --a personal favorite--featured a railroad conductor putting cars together. So, going back to the words...

Conjunction Junction, what's your function?
Hooking up words and phrases and clauses.
Conjunction Junction, how's that function?
I got three favorite cars
That get most of my job done.
Conjunction Junction, what's their function?
I got "and", "but", and "or",
They'll get you pretty far.

The reality is that most of us hate the times we are in "conjunction mode". Phil Keaggy (with Wes King and Scott Dente on the Invention album) put it well...

I am neither this nor that, I'm not here or there;
I am in between something and somewhere.

And most of us hate the in between places. Being between jobs, between relationships, between school and career, between moving from one place to another. Worse, God seems to keep us in those "conjunction" places for an uncomfortably long time. And the thing about "conjunction mode" is that it doesn't really seem to be anything. Just the empty space between the railroad cars.

Which is scary, because you can see the tracks racing under your feet. The thing is, the tracks are always there. It is just that having a tin car around you makes you feel like you are safe. Like you have some control.

For those of us who believe in a God who loves us, the reality is that we are no more "safe" being here or there than being in between "something and somewhere." And it occurs to me that God likes conjunction mode because we become so much more aware of the differences between us and Him. We realize we don't have control. That we aren't "safe. And once we get over that, we can enjoy the scenery that usually gets eclipsed by the tin walls of the railroad cars.

Just don't look down. You'll likely freak out.

It's all about scale...

I took a picture of this art installation at Willow Bend Mall because I thought it was really cool. However, when I looked at the photo on my iPhone, I was disappointed, because you couldn't tell just how really cool it was.






So, I sent John downstairs to be part of the picture.

Sense of scale makes all the difference.

The Red Hair Bow

This morning at Bic's with Nancy, I saw a woman who was probably in her 70's with a red hair bow in her blondish gray hair.

And for some reason it gave me hope. Hope that I don't ever really have to grow old. That I can still do girly things.

I'm thrilled to find out, I never have to outgrow the little things that are simply pretty for pretty's sake. That growing older doesn't have to mean growing completely practical.

So, Red-Bow-Lady...I raise my coffee cup to you in salute!

Like Christmas morning

Today is our actual, real anniversary. And this morning when I got up to let the dogs out, this is what I saw.

My beach cruiser with the basket and lights I've wanted.

John, you made me tear up. I love you too.

A day in Paris....Texas

John and I found ourselves a little cash-poor on this our 22nd Anniversary. So, we decided to go to Paris.

Texas.

As we were trying to decide what to do we had a conversation that we'd never had before. The way each of us views anniversaries. For me, it is all about romance. All the geeky overt demonstrations of love. Holding hands...being sentimental...etcetera, etcetera...

For John it is about celebration. The woo hoo! factor.

Sooooooo, to accomodate both, we drove through gorgeous Texas backroads to a little town in East, Texas. (I adore that the Eiffel Tower in front of the Love Civic Center has a cowboy hat!)


We went to a winery and explored the antique shops on the square. (This is John looking at a cash register from 1918, and gacking over the 4k price.)







There was a huge marble fountain in the middle of the square so we made a wish together in it.







I wore my boots--sort of obligatory for a Texas girl who goes anywhere outside of the city when it's cold outside. And it took me forever to realize John was making shadow puppets as I took pictures!






I made John pose for copious amounts of pictures. (Which he loves....ha!....but isn't he handsome?)







And we ended our evening back at the Best Thai, where John got down on one knee three years ago ring in hand to ask me to spend the rest of our lives together. (You see the first time we did that we were a bit rushed with some of the formalities....smile.)

Increasing health in organizations

It occurs to me that because organizations are made up of people, the first question when something is wrong starts with "Who?" "Who did that?" "Who isn't participating?" "Who is the problem?" But I'm curious if "who" isn't the wrong way to start the question entirely.

Steve Zaffron and Dave Logan in their book, The Three Laws of Performance, say: The First Law of Performance states that how people perform correlates to how situations occur to them.

Once while working for Caldwell Scott, five-year-old Bianca came up to me perplexed that the Coke machine wouldn't work. When I went to help her, it didn't take long to see why not. Bianca had torn her dollar in half and the machine wouldn't accept it. When I asked her why she tore the dollar, she said, "So I could have a Coke and Katherine could have a Coke."

What would be irrational behavior to you and I (tearing a dollar in half) made perfect sense to five-year-old, Bianca.

The thing is, with children, we tend to ask about behavior we don't understand. But with adults, we assume they are seeing the world the same way we are and that their reactions are irrational. Moreover, we've been trained to think in terms of there being a "bad guy." But unless you happen to have a genuine saboteur, chances are there is no "bad guy." Just a group of people who aren't experiencing the world the same way and therefore aren't working together in harmony.

Which brings us to Zaffron and Logan's Second Rule of Performance: How a situation occurs arises in language. "No matter how smart or insightful people are, we are all prone to being hijacked by what is unsaid – especially the unsaid about which people are unaware."

Kevin Graham Ford, in his book, The Thing in the Bushes asserts that most of the time, organizations do know what is unsaid. They simply won't--or feel they can't--talk about it.

The ability to engage the unsaid is one of the most powerful skills a leader can develop. Because until the "unsaid" is dealt with, it will continue to haunt an organization. In churches--which are by nature non-confrontational--this is particularly challenging. Years and years of the unsaid can build up with people being edited out along the timeline without solving the problem.

Zaffron and Logan point out that once the unsaid is unloaded, there is space to begin to use language to transform the future. And believe it or not, language really does have the power to transform the way you see a situation.

Recently, I had a disconcerting interaction with a group. Their language revealed they thought I wasn't doing some things they felt I should be doing--and given that I only knew them in context of someone else in my life--I realized I hadn't been spoken of well. That she had complained about me to them.

And this bothered me. REALLY bothered me. First that someone close to me would air complaints without sharing them with me. (I didn't know there was a problem.) And secondly, because I actually liked these people.

The heaviness in my soul was erased completely by two simple statements uttered by Elsa-the-Poet when I told her the story. "They don't know the Cathy that you really are." and "If she needs for them to think better of her by making you look bad, why should that bother you? You can do that for her."

And suddenly, it didn't matter any more. It really didn't. It shifted my focus in knowing that their opinion didn't change my identity, and reminded me that my friend has a deep insecurity problem that she often manages with scenarios like the one above. Language changed my perception of the situation.

The language we use...perhaps better put...the stories we tell...can shape our future. But if we tell positive stories without engaging the unsaid, then it feels like whitewash. As if it isn't really true.

What if the questions we need to ask ourselves when we see an organizational "engine light" isn't a who, but a how? "How are the members we view as behaving 'irrationally' experiencing the world?" "How do we engage the unsaid?" "How do we use language to shape a better future?"

Those are powerful questions...and likely far more effective.

A litmus test for organizations

Most people measure health of organizations in terms of growth, activity, and funds. However I've been a part of large, well-funded organizations that weren't healthy. And, I've been part of small, underfunded organizations and one with limited, focused activity that had great value. So though popular, I'm unsure those are accurate measurements.

Moreover, many times organizations that appear to be growing, well-funded and active, suddenly fall off the map. If organizations operate more like living things than machines, then it makes sense that if they don't get what they need to thrive, they can go from the picture of health to ICU surprisingly quickly.

So, how do you know? Are there other signs that reveal the health organizations?

In all the organizations I've seen go terminal, I've observed two precursors that have nothing to do with growth, activity or cash. And both are in the conversations that happen in the margins. The sidebars. The closed-door meetings. Two phrases that become an "engine light" for knowing you have a problem...

1. If only "they" would... The frequency of the phrase "if only they would" from leadership and/or membership is a dangerous sign. Any time groups start thinking of themselves as an "us" and a "them" there is a lack of health. Not only that, but there is no amorphous "they." There are only people. People you know and are connected with. They have identities, talents and names....and have probably been committed to your organization in gifts, time and energy. "If only they would..." erases the memory of those contributions.

The "if only they would..." phrase also has an element of armchair quarterbacking (the act of coaching a game from the other side of your television screen). And the amount of righteous indignation armchair quarterbacking generates is shocking. That type of negative energy can spread. (Never mind that "armchair quarterbacking" is also completely ineffective.)

2. If only he/she wasn't here... When there is a desire to edit membership or leadership an organization has a real problem. Conversation about making changes in the members of a group is poisonous. It creates scapegoats. It shuts down any possibility that there are problems within ourselves or systemic dynamics at work. (We've watched this happen in too many families over the past five years editing out one spouse for another, and as a result adding/subtracting kids.)

Worse, edits to the group, never solve the problem. Because it focuses attention in the wrong place. It works in a framework of blame. It shuts down any posibility for creative energy. It ignores the organization as a whole.

And there are casualties. People become collateral damage...which is beyond tragic.

This is a more difficult dialogue to change. Because typically the people initiating the dialogue have invested a lot of belief in this remedy. And oddly enough, I'm not sure the solution is to edit the people with this thinking out. (Though like pruning a branch infested with bagworms, it sometimes becomes necessary.)

So what do you do if your litmus test reveals a lack of health? If the phrases "if only they.." and a desire to edit membership is rampant? What do you do?

I've recently stumbled across some writing that intrigued me. Stay tuned for the next post...

The Bi-Directional Nature of Organizations

:::For you who don't work with me, this image is a vintage bi-directional microphone:::

I've been doing a lot of thinking on why people join organizations. We are born into our families and work based on opportunity, but our organizations...charitable causes, activist groups, churches, hobby clubs, etc. are of our own choosing.

And given that they require time and energy, my question is why? What engages us enough to become part? (You might at this point be wondering about the people who have never joined anything, but I'm pretty sure they aren't reading this blog.)

My theory is that it isn't what we give that makes us join organizations, but what we get. After all, organizations that take from us tend to drain us. We burn out. We quit.

But organizations that give something in return...those that provide a sense of belonging, the glue of shared purpose, those that make us feel appreciated, those that help us grow in our personal gifts, that make our lives more satisfying...those are the ones that we continue to pour into. The ones where work feels like play.

The thing is it is a delicate balance. Take too much without giving back and you'll starve your members. Give too much without any requirement and you'll become a circle of whining navel-gazers.

It seems the most sustainable organizations have a structure that supports bi-directional flow. They take and they give...creating a virtuous circle where there is balance between gifts given and gifts received.

Like a fountain, water goes in and water goes out. Start pumping air, and the motor burns up.

Unfortunately, while fountain pumps are interchangeable, the structure that creates bi-directional flow in organizations is not. Each organization and it's members are unique. They vary in size, makeup and purpose. What is life-giving water to some is vinegar to others. (Take artists for example....ask one to do a spreadsheet and it will feel like a chore. Whereas for an accountant it is pure heaven. But, ask an accountant to create a sculpture and...well you can complete the analogy.)

I'm curious if when organizations start showing signs of a lack of balance in flow if people notice. And if they notice, do they know what to do? (I'm not sure I do.) After all, you can tweak meeting times, frequency, program and methods...but none of that ever really seems to work. (And varying opinions on the subject can be deadly.)

I wonder if like fountain pumps, sometimes there is simply blockage. Maybe the internal gears need to occasionally be cleaned, so that bidirectional flow can happen again.

Saturday AM Stamp Class

After a late night, I got up early to join Jennifer Elwell at her home for a card-making class. (Fortunately, Jennifer had Costa Rican coffee and muffins on hand to help me wake up.) We started the day with kits of the materials we needed. (A practice I should get into at home. It is WAY easier to start a project with all the pieces parts than to have to get up and search for what you need in the middle of it all.)

The class was taught by Jen's friend, Annette, who hosts in-home workshops and other sessions to teach different techniques. Best of all, since Annette is a "Stampin Up" distributor, the classes are very affordable. (Annette has a stamping blog, stampwithannette.com.)

There is something about working with inks and textured papers that is pure magic. And it was fun to play with Annette's "toys."


I love the finished product. A set of four monogrammed cards and a matching box. And the techniques I've learned will stay with me way beyond when I send out the cards.

What a great morning.

Star Lillies

John knows that star lillies are by far my favorite flower. Like magic they keep opening, so the arrangement changes daily.

And, they smell heavenly.

Thank you.

Week 1 of the Painting

Jody added this to the painting at Crosspointe.

So unexpected. She captured so much in an hour in a two foot circle.

I love it.

Random Shout Out

A random shout out to Nathon Hay at household-budget-nerd.com.

Nathon's financial advice for "budget nerds" and "free spirits" cracks me up. It's a light-hearted but practical look at household budgeting. (Yes, Nathon....like your wife, I'm a free spirit but I also like being solvant.)

The Narnia Desk

Sometimes, I get inspired.

About 10 years ago--when my parents were cleaning out their garage--they had an old desk. It was simple in design and not at all practical for a big box computer monitor.

I decided to refinish it as a writing desk for me. A place to compose letters--the old fashioned way--by hand.

I also decided to make it a piece unto itself--completely disconnected from any ideas about my decor. I started with a shade of blue that simply made me feel happy when I was looking at chip charts near the paint counter.

I knew I wanted a design on the front of the drawers, but didn't really feel up to painting it, so I found fabric with a subtle print--one that matched the paint color. I removed the hardware, dipped the fabric in starch, then smoothed it across the drawer fronts, stapling to the back to anchor. I punched a hole back through, then replaced the drawer knobs after painting them.

And that is where the whimsy began. When I finished the desk, it didn't seem right. After all, this was a writing desk. It was supposed to be about inspiration. I'm not sure what possessed me to cut up a beautifully illustrated book I had of the story of Narnia, but I did. I affixed the key moments in the story to the top of the desk, then began to embellish.

I went back to the store and found another fabric that was full of whimsey. I cut the angels out, dipped them in liquid starch--this was before I discovered Mod Podge--and anchored them to the desk. Then with a gold paint pen, I began adding beautiful words.

A bit of gold paint around the edges of the desktop and hardware, with a piece of glass to protect it all, completed the piece.

Ten years later, the "Narnia Desk" is still one of my favorite pieces of furniture. It is filled with paper, markers, ink pads, stamps and other inspirational toys. And though I haven't completed all the handwritten letters I had hoped, it does serve as the spot where I create and address every birthday card and thank you sentiment. In fact, I'm smiling now just thinking about it.

Identity

It occurs to me that most of the major things that happen in life are major because they affect our identity. Graduation, a promotion, marriage, parenthood...all of those things have great influence on how we see ourselves. Our perception of who we are.

Conversely, if we are going to truly struggle with something...well, that has to do with identity too. For example, one of the reasons unemployment is so devastating has nothing to do with the financial aspect. It has to do with the rejection. It impacts how we see our worth.

"Empty nest" is major for some, and not for others. Isn't that about identity? For parents whose identity is mostly as a "mom" or as a "dad" the transition to a home without children will be much more frightening than parents who have a strong identity with a different role that they play.

Extramarital affairs are all about identity. The betraying spouse sees themselves as younger, more attractive, more powerful--thus the reason they are drawn to do something so destructive in the first place. The betrayed spouse feels unlovely, unwanted, not good enough...thus the reason affairs take so long to recover from--even post-divorce.

Seemingly little things--like an interaction at the office or incidents from school --often stick with us and replay in our minds because they impact our sense of who we are.

Who we are--at least how we see ourselves--matters.

And all the internal pep talks in the world won't change core beliefs about our identity. We can't "cheer" ourselves to a better self concept because most of our ideas about identity are built from external sources.

Dr. Bill Gillham used to say, that if you sit with a baby and point to your nose and say, "nose" the baby doesn't learn that you have a nose, he learns that he has a nose. Children learn about the world in terms of their place in it.

Perhaps the best gift we can give each other is a sense of identity. Pointing out all the wonderful things in the people around us that make them lovely and unique. In families and organizations, building a common sense of mission and purpose--so that people feel like they truly belong.

Perhaps the best gift we can give ourselves is to see our identity as something that is emerging rather than something that is etched in stone. To focus on our own becoming... To do things that take us closer to the beautiful design of who we were always meant to be.

It occurs to me that the whole concept of redemption is about restoring true identity. And that the most destructive force in the universe works to distort our true reflection.

The Dreaded Dentist

All I can think about is my visit to the dentist today.

It started with an innocent cleaning appointment yesterday and now I have to go get a crown put on because I have a cracked tooth. (Shudder.)

And oddly enough the thing that freaks me out the most is emotional over physical. There is something about hearing the drill and smelling the smell that drilled tooth makes that is absolutely horrifying.

Stupid tooth.

Painting with Friends

This morning, Sunny Raschke, Jody Neice and I painted during the service at Crosspointe.

David-the-Artist-Pastor is teaching an 8-week series starting next week called the Whole Story. Sunny did the lions share of the work, by priming the canvas. Then the three of us got together last weekend and painted the background. Jody sketched the tree and Sunny painted the first coat of it to get it ready for the service today.

We started while the worship was going on. It was an amazing experience to sing while painting with friends. So fun...

Simple Vegan | Butternut Squash Soup

This creamy and delicious soup is a fall favorite.

1.You will need a butternut squash, onion, salt, curry spice (optional), pumpkin pie spice and vegan broth (I like mushroom). To begin, slice a butternut squash in half down the center vertically, remove the seeds, wash and put face down in a baking pan with about a cup of water in the bottom of it. Bake at 350 degrees for about an hour. (The water in the bottom of the pan steams the squash until soft.)

2. The skin of the squash will be a bit crispy and should come off easily. (This isn't a perfect science, whatever doesn't come off easily just leave.) Cut into chunks. (Before or after removing skin...whatever works for you.) You can continue making soup at this point, or you can put the squash in a sealed container in the refrigerator to wait for you. It will keep a couple of days.

3. Dice a medium onion and cook in a bit of olive oil. When the onion is clear, I like to add the spices to cook in the oil for 15 seconds to really bring out the flavor. No set measurement on the spices. Do it to taste. (For me, a few shakes in the pan for each.)




4. Add the vegan broth and the cubed squash and cook for about 10 minutes--just so the mixture is heated through and the flavors have time to blend.





5. Put the mixture in your blender and blend to a creamy consistency. Garnish with a sprig of rosemary if you have one. Serve and enjoy!

A sad passing...

Back in 1999--after a very good year in the stock market--my parents bought us a car.

It was beautiful. Grand Prix GT. Black. Leather seats. And it was soooooo much fun to drive.

Over the past 10 years, it has served each member of our family well. First it was John's car, then mine, then Chase's, then Bethany's.

Today, we received word from our mechanic, that we have to put her to sleep.

It is a sad passing--and one that leaves Bethany quite without a car. A moment of silence...