Relativity

The way we perceive life is relative to our experience.  For example, in England, 200 miles is far.  And in America, 200 years is old.

Consider the difference between the way a year feels to a 5-year-old and the way a 40-year-old experiences a year.

A lot of the way we assume things are is relative to our experience of the world.

There is a lot of talk in the church about absolutes vs. relative ethics.  Where this gets tricky is that the person championing absolutes is doing it from their own relative perspective.  Which would be completely fine if all of the opinions lined up, but there is discrepancy in the absolutes being championed from denomination to denomination....and beyond that from teacher to teacher.

It occurs to me that true absolutes are universally experienced.  Like the absolute of love, or courage, or joy, or peace.  Guilt, or shame, or anger.  There are things that are common to the human experience that transcend culture, language, age and gender.

In all experiences--most clearly reflected in the stories we tell--love is transformative.  And the fruit of the Spirit is powerful no matter who you encounter.

It is an uncomfortable absolute that arguing that you are right is easy. Loving someone you disagree with is infinitely hard.

Brokenness

If you live a life pursuing God, you'll find that you go through continual levels of brokenness.  Places where your perspective is radically changed between who you are and who He is.
 
The funny part is that study--what we dedicate much of our 'church time' toward rarely contributes to this.  In the school of brokenness, God himself is the teacher. And it would appear that the model is much more like an apprenticeship than a room with chairs and a projection screen.

For us, we are the center.   After all, we are in our own heads all the time.  Our whole story is a first-person narrative.  The life lessons that cause brokenness shift our perspective.  They cause a radical change in how we see our character's role in the story.

Here's the thing.  The point that is so important.

If we walk through the process.  If we allow ourselves to let go of all the "self" things that we allow to define us....self-confidence, self-pity, self-congratulations, self-esteem...and acknowlege God's position as higher than us and His right to our 'selves' then something amazing happens.  The whole scripture about 'he who seeks to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will find it' comes to pass.

It would seem that brokenness would....well, break us.  But what we find when we go through it--and it is absolutely our choice, because we have the option of hanging on or re-creating all the things that we believe are important (prestige, reputation, looks, material things, relationships, pride, self sufficiency)--in the breaking we find our true selves.  The real us.  The one that hopes, dreams, feels alive.  And we can see how shallow the things that lie in the rubble really are.

Make no mistake, there is intense pain in brokenness...and it is usually dreadfully unexpected.  Because unless God reveals it, we don't know what we are putting faith in besides Him.  Gold idols are easy to spot.  But the parts of ourselves we worship are far more insidious. The tearing of flesh always brings pain.  But the freedom on the other side of it is indescribable.

Romantic Getaway - Texas Style

This weekend, John and I went to Athens, TX for our anniversary.  This trip was one of the best anniversaries we've ever had in terms of destination and enjoyment. (Which is saying a lot since we've had 23 of them.)

We arrived in Athens around lunch time and went into the San Luis Restaurant.  A homestyle Mexican restaurant, the food was affordable and delicious.  One of my favorite things was the pico-de-gallo which was prepared closer to cevice than what I make at home and was particularly tasty.  Plus, they had avocado enchiladas--which for vegetarian me was great.

Around the corner was the Pea Picker bookstore.  The dominant type of book in the place was romance and they had Harlequin novels going back to the 1940's.  We each picked out a book and had a conversation with the owner.  (As much as I love Half Price Books in Dallas, my favorites are still the ones staffed by a single person who opened it as their dream.)

We then drove to New York, Texas (no--I didn't know it existed either) to go to NY Zip Line Adventures.  That was a blast.  The last run, you literally fly across the treetops.  I also loved the story of the place.  A man named Chuck was inspired by the Rolofts of  Little People, Big World to add  zip lines to his property.   The guide explained, "We all thought he was crazy at first when he started building platforms, but if it didn't work out as a business, we were going to have an incredible swingset in the backyard.

The drive both to and from the NYTX Zipline was gorgeous.  As we passed back through Athens we stopped at the Flying Gatto Coffee Co. where I had some of the best espresso I've ever had.  A cute little place where we could have hung out and played Scrabble if we'd had the time, we were encouraged to try the 'cake balls' which were pretty awesome.

Then it was off to the Tara Winery where we were planning to spend the night.  I could not possibly have picked a more beautiful place.  The old house is a romantic's old-world dream, but updated with every luxury.  A storm came through in the late afternoon which John and I watched from the balcony.  Alone in the house, it felt like a show, just for us.

The sunrise over the vineyard was beautiful, and I absolutely loved the wines.  (Wound up purchasing several bottles to bring home.)

Peaceful, laid-back, the Tara Winery has beauty and charm.  A perfect backdrop for such a romantic occasion as an anniversary.

Of baseball, chemistry and judgment

The Texas Rangers are headed to their first World Series.  And in the place where I live, it is hard not to catch the excitement of that event.  (Last night, there were people celebrating in the streets even in my quiet neighborhood.)

A few nights ago, I was at a business social at a sports bar when Game 5 was playing.  I asked the man I was speaking to--who I guessed to be a sports fan, "Why this year for the Rangers?"

His response interested me.  He said, "When I first got into this business, most of the company were kids like me.  We were fresh out of college.  We all made about the same salary.  We worked hard all day, then hung out together at night.  We were great friends and it made it easy to work together. And because of that, the work we did was truly impressive."  He went on to talk about without A-Rod as part of the Rangers, there was no "star" whose job it was to win the game, and that he wonders if the chemistry of a bunch of young guys simply enjoying each others company and baseball isn't the magic formula it takes to get a team that has never been to the World Series it's very first chance.

So, my question is...why don't we have more of that in our lives?  Why don't the teams we are part of experience more "Rangers?"

Nancy-the-Insightful and I had this conversation and came to the conclusion that judgment plays a role.  The moment one person on a team looks at another person on a team and begins to find them "less than" in some way, the chemistry gets broken.  The judgment can be as big as determining that one person isn't pulling their weight; as trivial as annoyance at a perceived slight; or as irrelevant as criticism over how a person dresses or handles elements of their personal life.  I'm not even sure that the judgments have to be uttered.  Sometimes the insidious thing about judgment is that it influences thinking...and slowly but surely the relationships change. When the judgments are uttered aloud, groups begin to form.  Stars are created and others are pushed to the side.

Note that the person issuing judgment usually feels they are right.  But curiously, they don't simply go to the person in question and address their concerns.  They don't work to clear issues to restore relationships.  I know I'm guilty of that. Instead they let the judgments stratify.  People are separated into "good" or "bad" and what could be begins to slip away. 

I wonder how many pennants we've lost in our lives because we let judgment destroy the chemistry of team? Worse I wonder how many times our judgments are wrong and we've assigned bad motives to others actions that were never actually there.

Few great things happen by the actions of one person alone.  Most truly world changing events happen in teams. Maybe we should become more serious about protecting that.

My Casey

::photo:  Casey on the left and Lucky on the right::

Casey is about 14 years old in human years.  He has had mild seizures since he was a young dog.

Starting Sunday, he had 4 grand mal seizures in 24 hours leaving him confused and partially blind. (He's already deaf.)

While we were at the vet, the vet said, 'you have to understand that after the seizures are over and the dog is recovered, this is no big deal to the dog.  They don't think about what it all means.  They don't contemplate their own mortality.'

But we, the humans do think about our dog's mortality.  And therein lies the challenge.

Weekend at Mariposa

This weekend, I went to Heather Alexander's fall retreat at Mariposa.

It is so amazing to me how a group of strangers can become great friends just through the love of a shared activity. This can happen on a flag football field, at an art class, or at a beautiful yoga retreat by a lake.

Everything about Mariposa is both lovely and cozy.  From the comfy couches around the fireplace to the dining room with a view of the sunset to the candlelit yoga studio, everything is designed to be far, far away from our high-pressure day-to-day.

The lack of clocks and schedule is amazing to me, yet still there is a rhythm.  Waking, yoga sessions, meals, sleep...all create a flow.  And that warm sisterhood formed by a love of yoga creates as much beauty as the setting.

As we were sitting around a fire outside on Saturday night, I was thinking about the things that make each woman special.  Sylvie is the epitome of joie de vivre (appropriate since she is French).  Cynthia is a calm, quiet spirit (probably forged through her work as a nurse and having two sets of twins).  Lorna has deep compassion...the person who rescued all the injured animals as a child and worked to make sure they were loved. Jane is beautiful....lovely complexion, soft gray hair and a light in her eyes.  And of course, Heather who brings us all together with a belief that yoga can change lives--which is good, since it is actually pretty hard to make a living as a yoga teacher...

 Of course, one of the most wonderful parts was spending three days actually doing yoga.  Some of the sessions were outside and others at the studio inside. And in between we hung out on the porch, drank hot tea and read Yoga Journal magazine as Sylvie worked to figure out how to do the really really hard poses (and in some cases talked Heather into demonstrating.)

If the idea of a retreat is to step away into something different, then Mariposa offers just that. A different setting, rhythm and friends just for a weekend.  It was perfectly wonderful and restorative. 

This Weekend | Book Giveaway

 I wanted to do a fun post this weekend, sooooooo.....  I have a new copy of Preston Gillham's book, No Mercy, to give away.  The story is of Hank who starts a fishing weekend, then gets swept up into another world--one that he has known about all along. This has been one of the best books I've read this year.  And the interesting thing is that as I speak to people who have read it, every person gets something different from it unique to them.

You have until Sunday to leave a comment below. Any comment (and in fact, as many comments as you like).  I'll do a random number generator and send the book to that commentor.   Have fun!

Actually listening to yourself...

One of the things I love about yoga is that it gives you time to be quiet and still.  At the end of every practice you stop and just breathe.  For long, great, quiet minutes.

Most of us live our lives at the speed of light.  We don't give ourselves time to think inconvenient thoughts or feel uncomfortable feelings.  That is until they refuse to be silent. We then find ourselves hitting the wall and wondering what happened.  It can result in us quitting our jobs, divorcing our spouse, leaving our faith or in general simply running away.

We have to make time to care for our souls.  To do the things that feed our spirit.  To rest.  To heal. To see ourselves as we really are instead of as the roles we play each day. Because when you spend most of your time in a world where people relate to you as a waiter, CFO, salesman, admin, teacher or parent all day, you can start to believe that is all you really are.

And we are so much more than that.

We have dreams for things we can't always articulate. Remember that song that Kermit sang, sitting by a pond with a guitar? One of the verses captures it well...

Have you been half asleep
and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
the lovers, the dreamers and me.

That unfulfilled longing inside of us is a hint to the person we truly are. The one outside of our roles, economic and physical circumstances.  The thing is, there is no 'magic bullet' to get us there. (And yes, Virginia, we are very much programmed to believe there is a pharmaceutical or $19.95 solution to everything.)

Instead, we have to 'grow' into who we really are.  And like all things that grow, we need sunlight, water, food, sleep, joy, beauty and all the other things that help us to become. Moreover, we know somewhere deep inside what it is we need that is unique to us.  It isn't even that hard.  There are clues.  Things that make us smile, laugh, feel at peace.  We are just rarely still enough or quiet enough to listen to our souls telling us we need those things. Nor do we take time to grapple with our hurts, anger, disappointment and fear--the very things that make us deaf and keep us in constant motion as we run from them.

When we are still and quiet we create space for God to access the deepest and most real parts of ourselves.

C'mon. Do it.  Your soul is waiting.

Growing and Becoming

I used to think that growth was a direct result of adversity, but now I'm not so sure it is that clear of a formula.

After all, everyone suffers adversity.  No matter how perfect a life may look from the outside, no one gets an easy one.  The trials are different for each one of us, but all of us have disappointment, pain and heartbreak...physical, mental or emotional suffering.

And yet some people grow, and some just don't.  You know the ones that don't.  The people they were at 20 are the people they are at 40 seemingly spending their lives making the same mistakes over, and over, and over.

There is something in us that chooses whether or not we grow. And I'm pretty sure it is not about gathering our collective chutzpa and powering through.  I think it is more subtle than that.

Growth requires humility and openness.  A willingness to let pain work in us.  Without blaming, but with a healthy anger. Without resignation, but working through grief.  Growth gives us perspective. It allows us to see the world in a more real way than we did before.

And like wildflowers breaking through rock, it makes for beautiful resilient people.

Backyard Project | Fire Pit

I've wanted a fire pit for as long as I can remember; however, I haven't wanted to pay that much for something that would likely rust out. (Or worse, that I would never use like so much exercise equipment.)

So, when John removed a tree stump from the middle of our yard on Saturday I asked if he could just keep digging.  I relocated the stones that defined a flowerbed where the Knockout Roses, had exploded with growth and concealed them anyway and ringed the pit to give it definition. Then, we lined the hole with two bags of playsand and three bags of ground granite.

The result was our own backyard firepit.  We tested it out with Peter-the-Pilot and Nancy-the-Insightful last night.  Luckily Peter had been a Boy Scout and actually knew how to build a fire.  (I had looked it up on WikiHow, but my attempt was unsuccessful.)

Once the fire got going it was really nice. We even roasted  hot dogs and marshmallows.  (My marshmallows were perfect....all melty on the inside and toasted brown on the outside.)  Peter told us if we were going to keep this up, we would have to buy a dutch oven and keep ingredients for s'mores.  You know what?  We just might.

Disparity of Kingdoms

Ever feel like you are breaking rules you don't even know about?  The dirty look from a passing driver, the awkward moment at a business meeting, the subtle once-over at a party where you seem to come up short?

As much as the middle school cafeteria is far behind us, its adult counterpart is alive and well.

Worse, we do it too.  There are people I mentally dismiss as uninteresting or too-Baptist or irrelevant to whatever it is I'm into at the moment.

The thing is that there are rules to the kingdom we are building.  Hierarchies, court dress, manners and observances. Societies have rules, and we learn them or we are thrown outside it's massive gates.

The weird thing is that it creates these sort of fake versions of ourselves. We learn to say things we normally wouldn't think to say, buy things we might not normally buy and go each week to have acrylic superglued to the tips of our fingers.

I love it that when Jesus talks about kingdoms He says things like: "unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."  Little kids are accepting.  They notice differences, but rarely reject because of it.  They don't buy, dress or say things to make themselves be something they aren't so you will like them.  (They will however wear a towel, blanket or any other makeshift cape because they saw a show once where that guy could fly.)

The kingdom of heaven is way different than the one we live in now.  And my hope is that bit by bit...like yeast working its way through bread...that kingdom is taking over.

Sometimes there is no joy in fantasy football...

My team is 0-4.  I am at the bottom of my division.

And...

worst of all...

I haven't gotten to smack talk once.

A weekend of tribes...

I had a weekend all about connection. 

Friday night, our Oxygen (name of a Bible study) people came over.

Saturday, I went to a baby shower with work friends, then we went to lunch afterwards. For date night, we ate at the restaurant where Bethany works and got to see her in "day job" mode.  (She is really very good!)

Sunday was RDFL (Rent's Due Free Lunch) and our house was full of people--including Bethany and Chase.

It was such a fun weekend of being connected to our various tribes through work, family and church.  Even more fun that many of those tribes intersect.

Writing

I usually write to think.

My thoughts are in a jumble on any number of given topics and sitting at a keyboard brings clarity as I start to spill stuff out.

In fact, with this blog, it isn't unusual for me to have a number of posts going at once as I work through ideas.  Sometimes concepts flow.  And sometimes they don't.

This week, I've blogged almost every day, yet nothing is ready for posting.  To be honest, there are tons of things I'm simply not sure about.  Lots of why questions...all without answers or insight.

I'm struck by John Eldrige's quote:  "Life is not a problem to be solved.  It is an adventure to be lived."  I could probably use a lot more of that.