Perception of Togetherness

I find that I become encouraged or discouraged based on whether I feel like I am in something with a team or if I am flying solo.

For example, if I feel like I'm the only one cleaning the house, the only one showing up on time to a meeting I care about, the only one who is passionate about learning something new, then I start to feel discouraged.

However, if I get help from others on tasks that are primarily my responsibility, am working for causes with passionate people alongside me and am connected with groups who are excited about ideas I'm excited about, then I feel encouraged.

I find my energy--which is at most times very high--is extremely influenced by a sense of togetherness.

One of the reasons I like my day job so much, enjoy ArtLoveMagic, adore the yoga studio, and think our RDFL people are so cool is that all of them are groups of people with the energy created by pursuing common goals and the support that comes from helping each other pursue them.

The thing is, this theme isn't a "church" concept.  It is a life concept.

I just finished Keith Ferrazzi's book, Never Eat Alone.  One of the key points of the book is that he discovered how his success was integrally linked to how much those around him succeeded.  He detailed his own career mistakes in pursuing his own success without regarding others, then how that shifted when he started to focus on making everyone around him successful.

I do find, there are times when I am solo.  And if I am in a group singularly pursuing a goal, then either the goal is wrong or the group is wrong. (I've had instances of both.)

The weird thing is that it is the small events that create the perceptions...like coming home to find John did the dishes or having Nancy-the-Insightful spend a day helping me on a project that is important to me.  I hope I'm creating those perceptions for the people in my world too.

Writers are crazy (or at least slightly unstable)

All my life I've written fiction.  One of the things that struck me in reading Madelline L'Engle's Circle of Quiet was the accuracy with which she described the need to live in the world inside your head with the characters.  When creating the story, it is so compelling that you don't want to do anything else.

In fact, the characters are real enough to you that they practically write themselves.

One of the things a writer said to me when I used to participate in a writers group was, "If the plot ever becomes locked, it is almost always because I've made the character do something they would never do in real life to meet my goals for the story and not their own."

So there you have it.  Writers are crazy.

About six years ago, I stopped writing fiction and started writing about the world around me. It gave me more time "in the real world." (As weird as that sounds it is actually true.)

But while John was in Africa (and I had a lot of time) I pulled out the last novel I was working on and read the story.  I found that as a reader I liked the story.  As a writer, I had missed the characters.  And so this morning...here I am again.  Drawing a family tree for people who don't actually exist.

Yet it feels really good to be back to something that somehow I was always wired to do. 

On Lies...

Lies--especially social ones--are considered okay. They are a tool for navigating awkward social situations. And, 'so I don't hurt someone's feelings.'

My theory is that lies are rarely altruistic.  More than that, the danger in lies--even the small ones--is that they create a false reality.

This creation of a false reality is a form of manipulation. The way another person feels about you (how kind they think you are, how faithful they think you are, how good they think you are) is based on the lie. Worse, the false reality always touches the liar too and warps their own perception so that they see themselves as kinder, more faithful, better...

I think the real danger is that people make decisions based on the false reality. At best it is manipulation.  At worst, it is fraud.

Walking in truth requires us to be honest with ourselves--which I believe is the only way growth can happen. If not, we spend way too much energy shoring up the illusion.

And speaking of adventures...

John and Bethany have been in Uganda for the past two weeks helping out with the Uganda Children's Project.  The goal of the Uganda Children's Project is to make sure that impoverished children receive an education.  For many of these kids a barrier to entering school is the cost of shoes that are part of the required uniform--about a month's wage.

The project raises money all year, then distributes the shoes in January before the term begins.  Bethany and John went to fit kids with shoes.

While you can read more details on John's blog...from my point of view some of the coolest stories he's told me chatting on Facebook have to do with the kids themselves.  John and Bethany were able to meet Isaac--a young man we sponsor in high school who wants to be an engineer.  They also met other children in the program.  Grace is the 'feet on the ground' for the project in Uganda.  She always has children around her.

Bethany and John also wrote about the incredible beauty of the country. Of the lush foliage and how green everything was.

All I know is that I'm glad they are coming home today.  And though I'll miss puppy-sitting, Mia, it will be really great to have my husband back.  

I've missed him.

What the adventure looks like so far...

It doesn't look anything like I thought it might. So far, the adventure is weird and a little bit uncomfortable.

I'm actually trying to focus on being in the moment in love every single minute of every day.  It isn't that I don't get caught up and forget...I do.  But something about the intentionality of it is significant.  I've noticed sunsets more.  I've been aware of God's provision more. I've felt loved...more.

The 'home journey team' I attend (a fancy phrase for people who get together every 1 - 3 Fridays) decided to test drive "The Naked Now" by Richard Rohr by reading the first chapter to see if it was something we would like to study.

The whole book is about being in the moment in love.

I don't think it is a coincidence that I wrote the adventure post, and now the book is playing the same theme.  I can't wait to see what happens next.

Puppy-sitting

From Random Cathy

While Bethany is in Uganda, I'm puppy sitting Mia--her 3-month old border collie.  Border collies are smart and high-energy. (This one is also very, very sweet.)

I was a little concerned that she would get bored (dog translation distructive) since it was too wet and cold to take her for a walk.  As it turned out, the snow just made her happy and she and Toby (our sheltie) chased each other around and around the backyard spending all their energy with no effort on my part.

Puppies are magic.

A beautiful thought for 2011...

Because I'm in marketing, this hopeful line from Garr Reynolds blog struck me as particularly profound...



Maybe this is the year that we'll see an increase in honesty, simplicity, transparency, clarity, and meaning.




Amen.

New beginnings...

There is something about Januarys that make us assess. (Well, at least make me assess.)

Each year, we get this 'new beginning.' 

If you notice, the wellness industry capitalizes on this.  You will likely see more advertising in the next two weeks for gyms and fitness products than at any other time of the year.

When I first became a vegetarian, I went on a personal journey about food.  The driving thought behind that wasn't only health, but also the idea that if God made 'every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it' for food then maybe there was something to that.  An idea that vegetables were designed to fuel us and nacho-cheese-flavored-Doritos were something else entirely.

This is a photo of me from 1999.  I had been living different versions of vegetarian at that point. One of my friends would have said I was living 'cheesatarian'...I simply stopped eating meat. I didn't focus on eating vegetables.   It wasn't too long after this that I discovered  Marilu Henner's Total Health Makeover.  After reading the book, I went through my house and got rid of every bit of food with preservatives, dairy, or sugar. Moreover, Marilu introduced me to a world of food beyond french fries and cheese pizza. (Causing 12-year-old Chase to dub Marilu "the woman who ruined his life.")

But for me, the results were pretty dramatic. Within about 4 months I had dropped four dress sizes and my face had completely changed shape.

Now, I find myself in a mode of rethinking food again.

I live in the land of a zillion restaurants.  I like them because they are easy. They are social.  And best of all, I don't have to do dishes. If there are places in the world where food is scarce, I would never know it.  Because here in Dallas, there is a buffet of choices 24/7.

While the team is in Africa for the next two weeks, I'm fasting. Not completely not eating, but doing the 'Daniel' thing of only eating fruit and vegetables. (And none of the fun ones like potatoes or corn.)  I find I'm hungry a lot more often.  And last night I even felt a bit whiny because I wanted Thai food. (Then I started thinking about manna.  And how the Isrealites got whiny about Egyptian food. So I got over that pretty fast.)

I think there is something to feeling entitled to certain types (or even certain amounts) of food.  Something I've never explored in myself before.

I like the idea of doing this in a January. New years are a great time to rethink and reframe.  I'm curious where this leads.

Really thoughtful gift...

One of John's and my joys is something called RDFL.  It's an acronym short for "Rent's Due Free Lunch."  It started as a conversation between Kimberly-the-Behavioral-Therapist, Christy-Incognito and I.  (Note that Christy works with high-profile clients which means she keeps a low-profile on the internet...thus the nickname.)

The idea was that the way you get to know people is by hanging out with them.  And in the early stages...before the 'drop by for no reason' stage...that costs money.  Sooo....it hit me that feeding a bunch of people isn't really all that expensive. And that is how RDFL began.

We invited young people--who are usually underemployed--to come to our house and hang out the first Sunday of the month.  We serve a 'like mom would make' meal (with a vegetarian option) and everyone eats for free.

This Sunday, the RDFL crowd surprised us with something out of the ordinary. You see, as it turns out RDFL is now an actual, real thing.  It has a star named after it! Nikki-the-Lurker took care of the framing and had everyone sign it with a very 'star' like gold pen.

For any of the RDFL people reading this, your creativity is amazing.  And--as you know--you didn't have to.  Which makes the gift even that much cooler!

Theme for 2011

Each year, I come up with a theme for the year.

At first, this started our as a silly exercise. (For example, one year I reminded my family all year long that the theme was that it was all about me.) But somewhere along the line, it became serious. I gave up New Year's resolutions and started focusing on a theme.

Recently I ran across a CD of John Eldridge speaking at Catalyst. I remember that when I heard him live, I was so inspired that there was a subtle shift in my trajectory.

During the talk, a phrase stood out to me as particularly true.  Life is not a problem to be solved. It is an adventure to be lived. 

We can become so caught up in our own structure, that we forget that our story is being written as we live it. There is hope. There is possibility. What we choose and what we do matters. As I was thinking about themes and adventure, they intersected with another idea...the thought that love is the most powerful force in the universe.

What if love is the secret to the adventure?

Not romantic butterflies love, but the love that Jesus modeled.  Unconditional. Sacrificial.

So, in keeping with my practice I have a theme for 2011:  Live the adventure.

In my mind this isn't about jumping off cliffs or traveling to unknown places but the idea of living open. Of putting away fear. Of giving love access so that the adventure is within reach.

2011, you are going to be a beautiful year.