Bloggy Remix | Grace Under Fire

Dr. Bill Gillham passed last week, joining his wife, Anabel.  I worked for the couple during summers and breaks thoughout college and they had a profound influence on my life. In honor of Bill, I'm repeating the post about the most important thing they ever taught me.

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Grace was a concept introduced to me by Dr. Bill and Anabel Gillham.

I think if you had asked me if I believed in grace before I'd met them, I would have said, "yes." After all, grace is sort of a cornerstone of the Christian faith. However, in the Southern Baptist tradition I grew up in, grace was mostly just a word. People said they believed in grace, but they judged their own lives and the lives on others based on works. In other words, if you drank, smoke, swore, divorced, had sex outside of marriage, or the unforgivable--confessed you were attracted to the same sex...then they had to be able to fix you or you were out.

Though I learned about grace in working with the Gillhams, I didn't actually experience it for myself until my senior year of college when I got pregnant with Chase. Being a young girl with a rushed wedding at a small Southern Baptist University was possibly one of the most difficult experiences of my life. I was young. I was scared. And I had already seen how the people in the university had treated others in my situation. In many ways, I knew what to expect. In others, I wasn't prepared at all.

My friends began to stratify into heartbreaking camps. One that I loved like a brother called me a slut. (He didn't say it to my face. Another helpful friend relayed that information.) Others spread the gossip. Still others simply dropped out of my life completely. But a precious few, like Lynette, the Cowgirl, Rhonda of the Comic Strip Pantyhose, and my college roommate Marti, proved themselves to be the most grace-filled people on the planet. They never once told me I'd messed up. (As if it would have escaped my notice.) They were simply happy for me and celebrated my new marriage and baby. (A baby who grew up to be one of the great joys of my life and is now an incredible young man.)

My advisor, Dr. Steve Erickson, moved mountains to ensure I could finish most of my credits early before moving to Denver to be with John. (If you ever run across this while googling yourself, Steve, I need you to know your care and efforts greatly impacted my life.)

But more than any of that, God was right there through the whole thing. And as my plastic Christianity got burned away in the fire, grace is what remained.

Calvin Miller has an interesting introduction to the beginning of Chapter 18 of his book, The Singer. It's a pair of definitions actually.

Vengeance. noun. Eye for eye and tooth for tooth; a fair, satisfying and rapid way to a sightless, toothless world.

Mercy. noun. The infrequent art of turning thumbs up on an old antagonist at the end of one's rapier.

The thing is that people screw up. Badly. Sometimes raining pain on all of those around them. The thing about mercy and grace is that they are offered anyway. It doesn't require adjustment. You just ask for it and it comes. It doesn't eradicate consequences. It doesn't erase our mistakes. But it does offer forgiveness. Not that kind of suck-it-up- and-pretend-all-is-okay -because-i'm-stuffing -down-my-emotions forgiveness, but the actual dropping of stones without throwing them at the guilty.

Maybe grace is rare because it is hard. But for those of us who have received it, it is quite possibly not only the most important thing, but the only thing.

Simple Vegan | Easy Cobbler

I have a cobbler recipe that I adore, because it only takes 10 minutes to whip up and less than an hour to  bake.   Last weekend for RDFL, I gave it a vegan makeover and it turned out fantastic. Here is the vegan version:

Don't Stir Fruit Cobbler

1/2 c coconut oil
1 c sugar
1 c + 2T flour
2 t baking powder
3/4 c almond milk
2 c of fresh or frozen fruit, sliced (strawberry, peaches, apples, blueberries, blackberries, etc.)

Heat oven to 400.  Put coconut oil in a 9 x 13 pan and place in oven to melt.  While coconut oil is heating, sift dry ingredients together in a separate bowl then add the almond milk.  Stir to create the batter.  Pour this batter into the melted oil, and DON'T STIR.  The hot coconut oil will begin to cook the batter and create the crust as you pour it in.  Layer the fruit evenly across the batter. (It will sink in).  Bake at 400 for 30 to 45 minutes.

RDFL Vegan Style

So with our new vegan lifestyle, some of our usual activities like RDFL presented a challenge.

Note: If you are new to the blog, RDFL stands for "The Rent's Due Free Lunch" where we feed anywhere from 15 - 25 people on the first Sunday of the month--something that started as an idea in a conversation with friends and is now a "thing."

So after much thought, we came up with: "Pimp Your Potato Vegan Style." 

We set up the potato bar with a variety of options. Then I hung cheat sheets above it so people could "see" the options without searching in vain for sour cream, bacon or butter.

These were the options:

Aloo Chole - Garbanzo bean red curry topping
Mushrooms & Brown Gravy
Mediterranean - spinach, tomatoes, olives, onions, roasted red pepper with either basalmic vinegar or tahini dressing
Hearty - kidney beans, broccoli, tahini dressing.

• I also did a vegan remix of my normal easy-breezy cobbler (which people seemed to love).  I'll post that recipe tomorrow. 

Update on Pepper

Pepper has been such a great addition to our family.  She's very attached to John and I and always wants to be wherever we are.  I think it is particularly cute that she likes being at my feet--whether I am cooking, reading, or even sleeping. (In fact, she's under my chair right now as I type this.)

We've never had an Aussie before so it has been interesting to learn the breed.  She is super possessive, so we've had to work with her to let her know she can't bully the other dogs to keep them away from food, treats or attention. We knew that Aussies were working dogs and that we would need to task her with jobs in the house.  Her favorite is to make sure the squirrels don't steal all the bird food.  She also likes accompanying John on disc golf adventures.

Bethany's dog, Mia, and Pepper are the best of friends and wrestle, run and nap together whenever she is here. In fact, one day when Mia didn't come over, Pepper kept running up to me--I thought to let her outside, but as it turns out she just really really wanted to play. I think that resulted in taking her on a trip to Petsmart so she could watch doggie TV (translation: the window by the doggie daycare).

I'm so delighted to have Pepper and am very grateful the people whose dog had the puppies listed her on Craigslist. She's quite a joy.

Hanging out with the Blissful Chef

John and I were inspired by the movie Forks over Knives, to follow a strict plant-based foods diet over the summer. The idea is to see for ourselves if we can experience the same transformations as those in the movie. But for a couple who rely on E-meals and eating out to get through a week, we decided we needed a bit of professional help to figure out how to plan meals based on whole foods.

Enter Christy Morgan--The Blissful Chef--who just happens to do home consultations. 

The thing I wanted to get most out of the day was to learn how to think about cooking.  How do you meal plan if you are only eating whole grains and vegetables?  How do you feed groups?

Christy started the morning at my kitchen table with a lesson in clean eating, then took us to Whole Foods where we walked through the aisles getting a variety of veggies (focused on what was on sale) with the majority being leafy greens like spinach, kale (did you know there are at least 4 kinds?) and collards.  We then shopped the bulk bins for a wide variety of rices and beans.  (Christy recommended buying a pressure cooker to speed up the process of cooking them.) We grabbed almond milk for smoothies, then picked up several varieties of tempeh.

Thinking about eating whole foods is a lot like planning a bento box.  Mentally divide the plate into 4 parts, then go 2 parts veggie, 1 part whole grain, and 1 part plant-based protein like tempeh, tofu, beans or seitan.  Sauces and spices are used to create the flavor interest. Christy recommended cooking a lot of whole grains and/or beans whenver you make them, then use them in different recipes throughout the week so you don't lose a whole evening after work in the kitchen.

In terms of planning a meal, you simply pick a flavor (Southwestern, Mediterranean, Citrus, etc.) then pick a grain, protein and veggie using spices, sauces, etc. that taste like the flavor you want to achieve. 

For lunch, we were thinking in terms of "lunchy" kind of foods.  Think tuna or chicken salad.  Christy had Bethany mash garbanzo beans (I had canned, which we rinsed) with ingredients like vegan mayo, Dijon  mustard, grated carrot and diced onions to create the salad. She then showed me how to make quinoa which we ate plain  (the leftovers will become part of a taco salad later mixed with lime juice, avocado, cilantro, diced onion and tomato).  Then she showed me how to blanch veggies as the quinoa cooked.  We did kale with a few radishes and a carrot, for which she mixed up a peanut sauce dressing made up on the spot.

Christy coached us to think about dressings in terms of 5 flavors...pungent, sweet, salty, citrusy, spicy with an oil or nut butter as the base.  So we started with peanut butter (the dolphin-safe kind), added lime, tamari, a bit of curry powder and some red pepper flakes. It was fantastic poured over the kale.

The whole morning was really fun, and Christy left me with a book that outlines the techniques we discussed for cooking grains, shopping--even slicing vegetables.

As for the vegan adventure, I will keep you posted. 

Bear Spray

I recently read these words by Jon Acuff....

I’m married, and if you are too, then statistically speaking, one of us is going to get a divorce.

I’m not writing that to be sensational, but I just want to be clear that it’s a big deal. And I don’t know if we Christians do a very good job of treating it as such.

Look at it this way: if one out of every two neighbors on your street got mauled by a bear, would you be more careful about bears? Would you buy books on how to keep your house safe from bears? Would you carry a gun and bear spray if there were in fact such a thing as bear spray? Probably. Yet, when it comes to divorce, we don’t do many equivalent things. And the ratios are equally as high as that bear scenario.

Whenever I hear about another set of friends who hit the wall, I want to call in the national guard...or at the very least an ambulance or something.  Shouldn't we be mobilizing? Putting researchers on this? Why are the statistics so damn high?

And I wonder if we did put researchers on it, would they focus on the right things?  Or would they chase after factors related to sex or poor communication or 'irreconcilable differences.'  Because I think the root of the issue is much more personal than that.

In as much as Christianity or our day jobs or the demands of every single person who needs us to volunteer, produce, parent, give, behave, or even in the smallest way be the things that we are not--blindly ignoring the part of us that dreams, feels and imagines...  In as much as we ignore that part of our soul and forget to care for it as if it is important... We leave ourselves vulnerable. 

Because if our soul--the very heart of us--is screaming to be seen, someone else whose soul is screaming too is going to hear that call and answer it. And we can find ourselves on a path we never dreamed we would travel.  Forgetting all that is most precious and real.

What if we each took responsibility for the health of our soul? What if we took frequent assessment of how we are on a soul level unafraid of what we might find there? What if we each developed our own early warning system to cast off all of the square pegs our round selves find ourselves in rather than indulging the deception that we can fit? Or believing the lie that others put us there? What if we stopped finding our identity in the roles we play and started searching out the Imago Dei that beats in every one of us?

If we did this, could we help others do it too? Could we remind our spouses constantly that they are so much more than housekeeper, meal ticket, handyman, chauffeur, nanny, middle-aged... Could we see into the beautiful heart of them?

I think that if we became skilled at this, the statistics would decline. We would stop sleepwalking and become fully ourselves...connected to God...and connected to each other. (It would seem the freeing of our souls is rarely a solo mission.)

My guess is that investing in bear spray will neither protect myself nor stop the news I recieve of friends under attack. But really, I feel helpless to do anything else.

Artomat

When I was in Omaha last summer for meetings, the architect hosting invited us to a place called HotShops.  There I became so caught up in conversation with a fused glass artist named, Gerry Klein, that I missed my ride home and she graciously took me back to the hotel.  That night, Gerry was placing art in boxes about the size of a pack of cigarettes.  She told me they were for a project called Artomat which reclaims old cigarette machines and transforms them into vending machines for art. Gerry was working on two projects for the Artomat--one of which I purchased and wore as a necklace.

This Saturday, on date night, John and I made a stop by the Whole Foods on Greenville avenue to pick up something when we came across an Artomat.  I was so excited I could hardly stand it.  Not only that, but Gerry's work was in the very Artomat I'd run across--even though there are hundreds of artists in the project.







Excitedly, I put in my $5 and then tried to figure out what to choose.  In the end, I selected postage stamp earrings by Crye's Creations. (Which I adore.)

Even the box it came out in was art. Decorated by stamping, it was a lovely surprise to open it and unwrap the tissue paper to discover the most fun and artistic earrings inside made from polish postage stamps.

The whole experience of running across beautiful original art for an affordable price thrilled me.  I can't wait to stop by and do it again!

Writing truthfully...

I often start posts I don't immediately finish.  I started this post on "writing truthfully" several months ago, then blew away everything I had written to replace it with this one quote by Anne Lamott--who captured the thought so beautifully and with so much more clarity than my initial words, that I had to place it here. It is from one of my favorite books, Bird by Bird.

"If something inside you is real, we will probably find it interesting, and it will probably be universal. So you must risk placing real emotion at the center of your work. Write straight into the emotional center of things. Write toward vulnerability. Don't worry about appearing sentimental. Worry about being unavailable; worry about being absent or fraudulent. Risk being unliked. Tell the truth as you understand it. If you're a writer, you have a moral obligation to do this. And it is a revolutionary act--truth is always subversive."

I do worry about what I write. I want it to be honest. To not change what I write because of fear of what I think you might think of me. To always be truthful about where I am in the moment--whether that is inspirational or frivolous or whiny or curious or afraid.

What if Anne's advice doesn't just apply to writing but to life? It seems we have to show up and be open in the face-to-face be real. If not, we run the risk of all of these fake versons of ourselves interacting with fake versions of other people and there will be no community at all. (It will be like middle school.)

Maybe one of the most beautiful things about young children is that they haven't learned to create false versions of themselves. Oh they pretend--yes--but even as they try on roles, they will still stick jelly beans up their nose and giggle outrageously when something makes them laugh. To them, pretending is a way to explore the world, not a mechanism for hiding from it. I'm pretty sure there is something to that.

So I was talking on the phone and looked over at my whiteboard...

And saw this.  Thanks, Bethany.  You made me smile.

On forgiveness...

I recently ran across a quote by Anne Lamott...

"Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past."

And the truth in those few words blew me away.  We don't want to accept failure.  We don't want to accept pain--either that which we received or that which we inflicted. Instead we embrace offense as a sheild to protect ourselves...from what?

From seeing ourselves in a way we don't wish to see ourselves. We don't want to be helpless. Or taken advantage of.  We want to be blind to our culpability and participation in how broken the world is.

And yet.  The past really did happen. There is no changing it.  We can only accept. Learn the lessons. Then release the grievance--even when deserved--both toward others and ourselves.

Iron Sharpening Iron

I was talking with a co-worker about some of the intangibles we enjoy in our day job, and we discussed that probably one of our favorites is the iron-sharpening-iron factor.  I am smarter because I've worked with some of the brightest people I know for the past 15 years.

It occurs to me that this "iron sharpens iron" factor touches a lot of areas of our life. The people we spend time with can either inspire us or discourage us.

For example, one of the firms we work with in another state is full of incredibly fit people.  They eat well, play hard, and take their health very seriously and it shows. Iron is sharpening iron at a physical level.  When I think about the celebration of artistic inspiration that happens in the people I know through ArtLoveMagic, it occurs to me that each of the artists in the collective improves their talent because of the talent and encouragement of those around them. The factor works on a creative level.

Every once in awhile it is probably a good idea to look at the people we surround ourselves with and see if they are inspiring us. I once heard Anne Lamott say at a conference that if as a writer you found you didn't have good  material, then you needed to get more interesting friends. I have to say, there is something to that.

I am also fairly confident that the process of improving our influencers doesn't begin with subtraction but rather with addition.  The surgical process of quitting a bad job, divorcing a spouse, abandoning your best friend, unfriending on Facebook is almost never the place to start. Instead, we need to seek bringing people into our lives who inspire and encourage us. (Which is almost always about beginning to look for them rather than grousing that they aren't there.)

After all, if we start spending more of our life with those who make us better, then we become iron for others around us too.  To mix metaphors, "a rising tide lifts all boats."  And that changes everything--especially our existing relationships.

Side note: I just did a word search to find out where that phrase "iron sharpening iron" comes from, and as it turns out it is from King Solomon's proverbs: "As Iron sharpens Iron, so one man sharpens another." An ancient observation, that seems to still be true some 3,000 years later.

On drift...

Back in 2001, I read the book Total Health Makeover by Marilu Henner--which literally changed my life.  It took me from a wanna-be vegetarian to a full fledged, no preservatives ever, healthy eating, vital feeling young woman. It also peeled about 30 lbs off my frame--which was a great thing.

Last weekend, John and I went to see the movie Forks over Knives.  I didn't realize how far I'd drifted from that initial ideal to where I am now. Slowly, but surely sugar, dairy, processed foods and far too much coffee have all found their way back into my lifestyle.  Leaving me to ask...how did I get here?

I think drift is something we all encounter.  Subtle things distract us to remove focus from our initial trajectory.  Sometimes this is good--like when we abandon frameworks that are no longer serving us well.  But when we drift away from something that we enjoy.  Something vital to us.  That's a different story.

This concept of drift is connected to relationships, ideals, goals and maybe even the core of who we are. It is probably a good idea to check our compass sometimes.  To correct for drift.

Enabling beauty

I hate the large mirrors at the yoga studio. It is a continual reminder that I am not a size 6. That my face is asymmetrical. That my skin is scarred. That I'm clumsy.That my hair looks marginal most of the time.

I've shelled out an embarrassing amount of cash on books, infomercials and products that promised to make me look like whatever girl was in the photo. It didn't. (And I'm pretty committed when I jump into that sort of thing which leaves me feeling defrauded.)

I've come to believe that true beauty is an internal thing.  And I'm not talking about "well, she has a great personality."  Beyond that.

We all have an energy body--the divine spark that makes us alive. And there are things that make it glow. Discovering who we are. Being loved. Feeling joy in a moment. Getting engaged in activities that make us feel alive. All of those things brighten us.

And when are lit up from the inside, we leak that.  It is beautiful.

There will never be enough outside affirmation in the world to make us feel content with ourselves. (If there were Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson and Brittney Spears would have very different lives.) Nor will self-affirmations fill the void. (I am pretty enough. I am smart enough. And doggone it people like me?)

Instead, there seems to be a process of discovering who we are--our unique Imago Dei--that brings true beauty.  The kind that makes others feel beautiful too.

On failing at Beauty...

I just finished Christy Turlington's book, Living Yoga and enjoyed reading about her life.  The super-model turned yogini talks about beauty in a way that embraces health over the un-reality of the modeling world--the perspective of someone who has had a completely different life experience than my own.

On the heels of completing that book, I ran across this presentation by Jean Kilbourne on images of women in advertising.



She says that the standard is so high and so unreal that we will absolutely fail at this.

Much to think about...

Imagine

Ever think about imagination?  About the gift of being able to see things that aren't there yet?

If we weren't able to consider that something is possible, then we could never bring it to be--which would mean a world without art, music, writing, engineering, decor and a host of other beautiful things.

How is it we are we designed so that we can see something that isn't? Then, to begin to look for it or create it ourselves. It is a mix of vision, curiosity and creativity.

Imagination is a beautiful gift. And one worth cultivating.

On loss

Two of our RDFL friends lost people they loved unexpectedly this month. Abruptly. Without warning.

One of the weird things about Facebook's news feed is that it doesn't stop when this occurs.  It continues its stream of life as it happens.  The happy and the sad.  The delightful and the tragic.  All of it flowing along in discordant juxtaposition.

Grief heightens your vision--a magnifying glass that zooms in on the incongruity of the happy and the unthinkable.

And we hate being left unable to resolve.
Living in the place where the world doesn't work. Where nothing fits anymore.

Donald Miller writes, "I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. . . . I used to not like God because God didn't resolve. But that was before any of this happened."

There is a "head part" to grief that can make us crazy.  The knowledge that the world we live in is different than we believed it to be.  And while the love of friends can help with the pain of the heart parts, the head part is largely dealt with alone.  Don't let it make you crazy.  Learn to be okay with the unokay. And know that eventually the magnifying glass rights itself, and the act of grief will loosen it's laser focus on the loss and begin to highlight the beautiful.