Your pain doesn't make you special...

Your pain doesn't make you special.

Even though it feels like it should.

Because no matter what tragic thing happens to you, you are no more injured or abused than the whole lot of us.

If you focus on your pain as what sets you apart you miss the point. You ignore the beauty in yourself and your potential. The core in you. Imago Dei.

So walk through the pain and fight the fear engaging the beauty in whatever small ways you find it.

Even small lights dispel darkness. And they are worth pursuing.

A vegan milestone

As I've made the transition to being fully vegan there was one item that was haunting me.  My black leather coat.

It fit great, was stylish and warm....and....my mom bought it for me.

And while I continued to wear it--after all, the cow had already died and it was in my closet, I stopped feeling good wearing it. As if it were a big "maybe" in a commitment to living a vegan lifestyle.

Last week, I gave the coat up by giving it to my friend Elsa-the-Poet who was moving away. (Too sad to write that post yet.) And you know what, it looked FANTASTIC on her. I'm happy she has something that will make her think of me every time she wears it.

Yoga studies....Part 4

This weekend was twists and inversions.

Enough said.

On transformation

It occurs to me that a large part of our issue with God and His responses to us is that we want glory without transformation.

Oh, we wouldn't exactly phrase it like that. But fame, wealth, acknowledgement, winning...are all forms of glory.

It also occurs to me that a large part of spiritual transformation has to do with humility...which in itself is an absence of glory in every way that the world defines it. A way of being in which the only glory that matters is the presence of God himself. And the joy and peace and contentment which that releases is enough.

What to order at a cocktail party when you are NOT drinking...

Ever since I've started doing yoga daily, my body has "quit" alcohol.  It wasn't a conscious decision. It is just that each time I thought about having something, it made me feel yukky.  As if the relaxation you get from yoga and the relaxation you get from alcohol don't mix.

And yet, I still have to attend social functions where it is always better to have a drink in your hand.  And since I've been on my drinking hiatus I've noticed something....there are a lot of people who go to parties who don't drink alcohol, yet they still get really interesting drinks. This is what they order:

1. Virgin Bloody Mary
2. Bitters in Sprite
3. Gingerale or root beer in a frosty mug.
4. Virgin Mojito. (Sprite, lime, crushed mint).
5. Pineapple juice, cranberry juice, twist of lime and a cherry. (It isn't bad.)
6. Virgin pina colada. (Pineapple juice and coconut juice.)

So, if you happen to be the designated driver, you don't have to opt for just soda.  You can get things that are much more interesting.

Personal development

I listened to a couple of hours of leadership talks this week as I was driving, and while the advice was pretty solid it kept occurring to me that as a whole, it fell short.

There are basic skills we can learn from books and training materials. This might be time management, sales techniques, organization, communication... There are things that can be effectively gained by implementing structure.

But it occurs to me that to be truly great requires something that can't be implemented by following another's technique. When it comes to our own unique purpose, we each have something inside ourselves that could write the book that isn't on the shelves yet.

It would seem there is much to block this becoming who we are. Fear, discouragement, anger, lies we tell ourselves, a lack of faith that such a thing might really exist for us...  To become requires a relentless pursuit of the One who created us.  A day-to-day willingness to open, listen and surrender.

Some of the people who do that will be celebrated loudly.  But it occurs to me that far more, will change their own worlds without a single bit of fanfare.

Identity

It's hard not to shape our identity out of our circumstances.  Not to see ourselves as our profession, our address, our relationship status... Even harder not to shape our identity out of our experiences. Not to see ourselves as divorcee, adopted child, terminated employee, cancer survivor...

Because no mater how positively or negatively we feel about our circumstances or experience, none of that is actually who we are. There is something in the core of us that transcends all of that--the part of us that is shaped by what happens to us, but doesn't find its source in that.

We have the choice moment-by-moment to either wear our outward trappings of circumstance and experience, or live from the deeper part of our souls .

I want to focus on the deeper.

On choices

Life is a series of choices.

Our decisions--both big and small--determine where we wind up. And while this is true in a physical sense...(if I take a job in Chicago, I live in Chicago), it is also true in a spiritual sense (if I choose to hold onto offense and alienate the people I love, I will wind up a solo act.) I think the challenge comes in when we don't have clear perspective about what we are choosing. The times when we think we are choosing one thing, but we are actually choosing another.

This is easier to see this on a small scale than on a big one:
- Like when choosing to ignore moderation in drinking winds up in becoming drunk and saying things you might not have said sober.
- Or choosing to have two pieces of cake instead of one winds up in gaining a few pounds.
- Or choosing to hit the snooze button more than once winds up in being late.
- Or choosing to ignore household chores, winds up in your spouse having to take out the trash after working a 16 hour day.
- Or using a charge card to eat out when there is no cash in your account winds up in debt.

It is easy to develop "choice blindness" and decouple the link between the things we choose and the direction it takes us. But that doesn't stop us from winding up from the very place our feet are taking us. And while we give most of our attention to the big life choices, the paradox is that our actions in the small choices actually seem to have more impact on us than the large ones because they have a cumulative effect.

In fact, I wonder if it actually goes beyond that.  What if our small decisions also impact the larger ones? What if in the incremental day-to-day our "decider" gets trained ?  After all, most decisions have limited time windows and it would seem that we make the biggest decisions of our lives based on our "gut" rather than by detailed data analysis.

If we want to get where we want to go to, we have to start at the small scale. And maybe more than that, we have to develop a willingness to acknowledge that we are the ones making the choices--and that those choices determine our destination.

Simple Joys | Childhood Books

I went to dinner on Friday night with Lynette and Vicki. (Neither of whom have 'blog' nicknames yet.  I'll have to think on that.)

Afterwards, we decided to go to the and to the 'mecca' Half Price Books. (An enormous used book store at 75 & Northwest Highway in Dallas.)

We all wandered about based on our separate interests then reconvened at check out.  Where, I was surprised and thrilled to see that Lynette had picked up the entire Little House series by Laura Ingalls Wilder.

I loved those books so much as a girl, that I read all of the books except for the last chapter of the last book because I didn't want it to end. I learned that Lynette was actually just replacing her series because she'd read them so often that the bindings came apart.

Fun to know that Lynette and I are "used bookstore compatible."

A crazy idea...I know...

Artist, Cori Berg, did an amazing work called The Future Holds You Dear based on the story "The Ugly Duckling" by Hans Christian Anderson.  The painting has really captured my imagination.

While the price for a work of its kind is very affordable, I can't justify spending the money for it when there are so many other "shoulds" waiting in line.

However, I do have a birthday coming up.  And so it occurred to me, what if everyone pooled the money for the birthday cards they would mail or the gift cards they might buy into this one beautiful piece?

Yes, it is an incredibly audacious thing to even mention.  But wouldn't it be just a little cool too? If you want to be part of this, click here or simply view the sidebar.

Sometimes the first step is tying your shoes...

Earlier this month, I was the recipient of an e-mail that a friend sent to a string of people close to them. It described a situation that far too many people are living at the moment. Lay off. Odd jobs. Not enough for living expenses. Discouragement.

Though John and I knew our friends must be struggling, I have to admit we weren't really doing anything--not until they asked. Now a month later, they have work, a place to live--and while I'm sure there are still tangible needs, there is no longer discouragement. I received this e-mail...

Without writing a novel, I just want all of you to know how thankful I am for each of you. Thank you for believing in us and in God's story for our lives. Thank you for encouraging us when it was easiest to give up. Thank you for being the physical hands and feet of Jesus when we needed his care the most. I'm learning that prayer and communion with God are not only ethereal and mysterious, but they are tangible, physical experiences that sometime require us taking action to enter into.

I've thought a lot about that last sentence since receiving the e-mail.


Require us taking action to enter into.

It occurs to me that most of our thinking about miracles is formed more by tales of faery godmothers with wands than by people picking up their mats and taking that first step with their friends all around them.

I was grateful my friend reminded me of how beautifully God works in community. And how much more effective that can be than wands with animated glitter.

Yoga Studies...part 3.

This weekend was my third session of InDepth Yoga Studies with Shanon Buffington. The second session focused on the way anatomy relates to asana (the physical movements).  This was a continuation of that topic....and focused on backbends and lateral extensions.

I know I took anatomy during biology in high school, but there is something completely different studying it in the context of yoga. (Maybe because this time I'm paying attention.) I've had to correct a lot of my movements to better align them with my body.

The cool thing about backbends, I learned (and experienced) this weekend is the energetics of it.  They give you tons of energy. And the laterals made me breathe easily without a hit from my inhaler.

And--this for me is the best part--I was able to get up into wheel pose without a spot, because one of the students there taught me using blocks. So awesome!

For lent this year...

For Lent this year I decided not to give up something. 

After all, I'm already pursuing a vegan lifestyle and I gave up alcohol for the year I'm doing yoga. (Long story, that.)

Instead, I took something on.  I'm feeding the birds each day.  This is something that used to be part of John's and my routine, but I've gotten a bit lazy about it.

And this morning?  A cardinal.  Sitting on the ground eating the seed.

It occurs to me that discipline often brings beauty.