The secret your ego does not want you to know...
Any control we think we have is just an illusion.
If we really want to see true change and transformation, we have to be willing to let go of the illusion of control. Control stresses us out. It causes us to overly sift the past for cause-effect and overly worry about the future. We choose details over relationship. Control transacts in fear rather than embracing love.
Worse, it isolates us. We see ourselves as separate rather than connected and work to keep it that way because we can manage more of the details. It makes us feel "safe."
One of the reasons I believe the Christian life is so powerful is the practice of allowing the Holy Spirit to guide. To be able to surrender control to One who loves us passionately and knows us intimately. We suck as gods, but we thrive when we are beautifully connectedly human.
To experience true transformation, we have to be willing to step out there and make the decision to give up control. And here is the weird thing. Rather than becoming less of ourselves and more of someone else, we wind up becoming more of our authentic self. The ego gets trumped and our hearts--the truest, deepest part of ourselves--shines through.
It's a mystery. But a worthy one to attempt to live.