Of fire, ambition and making choices
My yoga teacher would say that it is the "pitta" in me. Sanskrit for fire.
One of the qualities of fire is that it spreads.
I've learned over the years that if I spread too far, I have the capacity to burn out.
Because of this drive, it always feels weird to make a deliberate choice to step back. After all, it feels like failure not to do everything you could possibly do.
I remember the first time I made the choice not to pursue something I wanted. In college, I planned to be a television journalist. But at some point, I realized what it would take to be truly successful at it. People don't just casually become television journalists. It requires a consuming drive and intense focus. I realized I didn't want it bad enough for it to be the only thing I pursued.
I'm finding myself in a similar place. So many things have my heart at the moment. Writing, mentoring, spending time with family, a day job I enjoy, practicing yoga, learning new things. And yet, there are always projects calling me.
I tend to jump in without counting the costs. Why? Because sometimes when you take the time to count costs, doubt and insecurity sweeps in. Motivation is a highly perishable commodity.
Focus can only be achieved through making deliberate choices. Possibilities are fun, but focus is what takes things from hobbies to worthwhile endeavors.
What projects are calling to your heart? Do you need to put some rocks around your fire so it doesn't burn out? I'm finding I do.