Women of Chaos

Actually, as I just typed that title, it sounds rather exciting...

What is it with women who always seem to have their lives in chaos?

Here's the thing. I know a handful of women who live their lives in drama. (You know these women too.) The most complicated things happen to them....and if you pick up the phone and call them (or try to see a movie with them, or just ask how they are doing) nothing is ever, EVER, simple.

So, with my brain working like it works, this has become a puzzle.


Why is it that some women live normal lives and others have the most unbelievable drama?

Well, it occurs to me that if you start trying to unravel the mystery with the drama, you get nowhere. The drama is so complex, so tangled that there will be no finding the beginning of it.

So, that leaves us starting with the woman at the center of all of this. By the way, as I'm thinking this through I actually have in mind a string of people I've known over the years, not an individual, so if you are a particularly neurotic friend of mine, stop feeling like it is you. (Though, to be fair, you may be on the list.)

It occurs to me that there are some commonalities...

1. All are very capable, beautiful women.
2. None are what I would describe as peaceful or satisfied.
3. All dialogue is perpetually about them (or how someone else's story relates to them).
4. There is an intense focus on the gap between what is and what they expect their life should be.

And while I've just painted a picture of a characature that often shows up on television--the diva personality, I actually wonder if it is more than that. What is it about someone capable and beautiful that would cause them never to be satisfied? That has them so focused on resolving their own lack of peace that every thought is about themselves? And--probably the more salient question--is it possible to help them get out of it?

I've learned if you start with the drama you get nowhere. It can't be fixed. When focusing on the person....I've learned encouraging words don't help. Listening without offering solutions is okay, but never really changes anything. (And maybe I've perpetually been too much of a coward to actually confront these women and become part of the drama myself.)

What if the key is in directing focus away from the gap? In letting them know that sometimes what is can be wonderful? In helping them to develop a dialogue of gratitude rather than frustration? Of course, this is only a theory and there is a good chance that won't work at all.

Maybe the best you can hope for is to seek out peaceful company and keep a buffer zone. Because quite frankly, everyone has drama. But not everyone celebrates it.


Ashley said...

Save the drama for your mama!! So I think I live in Chaos..but i try to laugh about my "drama" it's part of life.. Maybe these women are watching too much day time TV or unwilling or unable to see the comedy in everyday craziness. I think we all have bouts of drama (car broken, dogs crazy, kids and or job driving you crazy) then most of us wake up, appreciate our blessings and move on. Maybe you could be like Cher in Moonstruck.. "snap out of it!"

PS Hopefully I'm not one of the women you're talking about ; )

Cathy Hutchison said...

Actually, I laughed when I read your post after I'd written mine. That was genuinely chaos!

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Maira Gall