When things don't fit...

John and I had an evening where nothing clicked. Every interaction was difficult. Every frustration flared. Misunderstanding. Misunderstood.

A whole night from the time I got home from work of trying to fit the wrong piece into a shape-sorter toy.

So now, I've been up since 2am with my stomach in knots and wound up rereading posts on Ron Martoia's blog, and this post jumped out at me...

Acceptance of the grace and mystery of life means that the core posture of our soul and pattern of our life is letting go….letting go of the need to make every thing fit, cohere. We just need to surrender to what arises and allow the mystery and grace of life to come to us uncensored and unedited. When I say surrender what do I mean? ...Surrender is radical acceptance of our lives just as they are, it is the active turning of the mind from willfulness (resisting or trying to change what is) to willingness, (meeting what is or accepting life on life’s terms). 

THIS DOESN’T imply becoming passive or condoning an unacceptable situation; instead radical acceptance is an active engagement with whatever is happening in the moment.  Radical acceptance is precisely what decreases pain. Our ability to receive and accept instead of fight and resist is what decreases pain and discomfort. 

I not only read about this a lot in the larger wisdom traditions but have experienced this first hand.
When I try to control or fight circumstances in relationships or in certain church setting I work that very resistance is precisely what heightens pain and angst. 

Furthermore it is in the mystery the parts that don’t initially makes sense that often God is up to something that we couldn’t see before, hadn’t planned or didn’t anticipate.

Ron's posts sometimes seem just out of reach for me.  Like a thought that is true, but hovering just beyond my grasp.  In yoga, they talk a lot about release, surrender, letting go...but in my day to day...especially on a shape-sorter night, I'm not sure how to live that out. Or even exactly what it is I'm supposed to be accepting or letting go.

No major epiphanies to wrap this up with. Is just my moment right now... (Is "lack of sleep blogging" like "drunk texting"?)