Random thoughts on the goal

I have a puppy playing at my feet as I write this...tugging at the floppy hem of my pajama pants. I like this part.  Writing in the mornings before anybody wakes up.

Milestones like changes in a year or birthdays make me introspective.  I start asking the big questions like: Am I becoming who I want to be? Am I making a difference? 

In my 20's I thought the goal was to get the big house and the great job...or for John to get the great job and for me to be the perfect stay-at-home mom. Now, the goals seem so much different. The pursuit has shifted from the externals to the internal.

The more I am willing to let go of my ego...
The more I am willing to say "yes" when I am terrified...
The more I am able to release control and surrender...

That is when things change for me. When I see myself gearshift into the "more."

There is a spiritual principle which requires loss before there is gain. Phrases from Christ such as "He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it" or "unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." Death has to precede resurrection.

So much of our world—even our spiritual world—is focused on achievement. But I think the real work is done in loss. Maybe that's part of why minimalism appeals to me. In letting go, there is something found.

Surrender is in history equated with defeat, but spiritually--while the same posture--has much different results. The moment we are willing to surrender—and I swear sometimes it is only the smallest of steps—is the moment the Spirit rushes in.

I think the Spirit is always there waiting to see what ground we are willing to concede. We are born as gods of our own little worlds trying to figure out how to control eveything to our liking. When we shift authority to "the One who rules" then the landscape changes.

But love is like that...right? True love never forces itself. It always waits to be invited. And the moment we are willing is when we experience...it.  That shift. The place where we become more than we were before.

I was told once that "God relates to us through personality"...an individual, intimate relationship.  But I also believe that the more we surrender, the more God unlocks our personality. We become more us. Which is ironic, because most of our reasons for holding onto territory have to do with fear of losing ourselves.

The other thing I find significant? No matter how long I am at this, there is still more ground to be surrendered. We are redeemed in pieces.