Of internals and externals.

I am convinced that if we are looking at externals, we are seeing it wrong.

If all of our angst is focused on someone else or an outside circumstance, then we've missed the point.

It isn't that outside people or circumstances can't be miserable.  They totally can.

It is simply that we have choices. We can make a choice to change our circumstances. We can limit our exposure by setting boundaries. Or--if a circumstance is unchangeable--we can focus internally to show up and engage in the spiritual assignment. (It takes wisdom to know which path to choose in a given circumstance.)

The more our interior life changes, the more our externals change. For one thing, we lose the unhealthy patterns that keep drawing certain types of people into our lives. And for another, the stronger our interior life becomes, the less bothered we are by what is happening on the outside.  We become better connected to the One who guides us and in doing so better able to see purpose and to bring love into a situation.

The thing is that our internal self doesn't change by living life on autopilot. The daily practice of spending time with God shapes us.  We can't skip that part. It doesn't even have to be hard.  We simply have to set aside a consistent time daily where we turn off the distractions and just invite Him to be there.  For me, learning to meditate has greatly facilitated this process, but there are many ways to do it. Some have a "quiet time" where they read scripture and pray.  Others have a gratitude practice where they write down everything they are grateful for.

If we skip that daily internal training, then we will find ourselves constantly at the mercy of our circumstances.  And worse, we will fail to notice the help that is flowing in all around us.